And now for something completely different.

Graduation Day.

Where to begin.

My puter complications continue, and that's one big reason why I haven't been posting that often lately. But it's also true that my head has been in bizarre space.

It's been about a month since I've gone into post-Kara living, and it's somewhat surreal. Finding her brand-spanking new profile on one of my favourite dating sites was interesting to be sure, but it didn't stop me from sending her real compliments. As friends, we haven't been getting together nearly as frequently as I think we've intended, but that's very probably more about our mutually crazy schedules too.

But one thing I've learned about myself in the past, and am living in again, is this seeming reluctance to share my path right after a relationship break. It's odd (and hardly conducive to decent blogging) but I think I do it out of some strange sense of respect for my previous partner. What's weird is that I don't seem to do this when I'm the primary one to end a relationship, but when I'm the recipient of that axe, and one might otherwise think that I'd be eager and gung-ho about posting about whom I've Been With since, as if I were subconsciously (or not) thumbing a nose to The (Insert Expletive) Who Left Me.

I guess I'm just not that petty.

I think I can live with that.

Is it weird for me to not blog about what I've been up to this month out of some latent desire to not, somehow, make Kara uncomfortable? She's a reader of the blog, after all. (Hi, hon.) Am I, in restricting myself, being a gentleman after some fashion, or am I holding out a candle for her? The mental gymnastics I go through.

Perhaps I'll feel better if I make some kind of caveat. Like this:

Kara? Hi, it's me.
You know, the guy who took you to your first playparties, you spanked your delightful little bum in public, and who gave you delicious head.
I'm sorry that we didn't play nearly as much as we wanted to.
I felt as though we were still just getting started,
and I'd been eager to tie you up more, see you in the corset we bought,
and do so much with you.
But, you know, for your own reasons, it ended. Yeah, I miss your company.
But, you know, you were dating a guy who writes a sex blog.
While our ending isn't the only reason it's been quiet here, it's true that I've been ambivalent about writing much because I like you, respect you,
and because I haven't wanted to sting you.
After all, for the year-plus we were together,
we were essentially monogamous.
You can safely say that you are the first person to have returned me to that zone for more than ten years. And I was actually starting to like it.
But, you know, maybe it wouldn't have stung.
I don't know, and I chose to err on the side of caution.
And, either way, it's been long enough now that I think I'm ready to be writing again. I still don't want it to sting you.
In the end, it's entirely up to you if you want to continue reading.
We're both adults here.
I'm going to move forward in my writing, my sharing, now.
Just know, and I hope you'll enjoy knowing, that I miss you,
your laugh,
and gripping your beautiful little ass as I take you hard from behind.
A lot.
Love you.

sigh
There.

Women and television.

Five years of shameless living.

Some of you have been regular readers of this blog for some time now, and I enjoy receiving your emails. One of you, with whom I'd been chatting on a dating site, once said to me that this blog was "an excellent advertisement of (myself) when seeking a new partner." I smirked at that thought, even if I don't totally agree: I wouldn't want to scare the poor dear away.

It's been five years now, and on these anniversaries, I enjoy catching you up with what's been happening with some of the (mostly) excellent women that you've been reading about.

Kara, as you know by now, aren't lovers any more and our partnership came to a close. Things started looking distant as of last summer, and while it's unhappy, we remain close friends. Obviously, she continues in her career as a math teacher and all-too-busy mother of two glorious urchins, and I expect that when her life and world gives her the fleeting moment of breathing space she dearly deserves, sooner or later there'll be a new dude accompanying her. I value her, and life is otherwise good between us.

As much as I hate to say it, Shayne, on the other hand, is, as they say in Toronto, a fucking nutbar. It's a shame really, because I really liked her, and still would be willing to be the consistently nurturing and supportive guy-in-her-corner that I've unflinchingly been... if she would just stop being so damned erratic.

I love the kid. I do. And I still think it's great for her that she's made a new life for herself with her (surprisingly consistent) Daddy guy out in the Pacific northwest woods. She's about to become a Mommy, and I was actually looking forward to seeing how she would get on as such, seeing the child that soon will be squirming under the old growth forest canopies out there. But, no. Some months ago, I sent Shayne a playfully naughty textmessage, exactly the sort of thing (ok, tamer) that she loved, and all went haywire from there. I told her what I Really Thought for a change, and God forbid anyone alive should suggest to Shayne that she isn't perfect.

And Shayne? If you're reading this, I'm still sorry, but it's also true that you had it coming. And yes, I still care about you, you goof. Now grow the fuck up and try to remember who your friends are.

Guessing by her Facebook, I'm expecting that The Grrl is with someone significant again, but I don't really know. I recently sold some furnishings that she had left me with (including some to Kara), which even all these years, felt a little like a betrayal. Oh, me and my wierd sense of attachment.

Diva is still single, which totally baffles me because she's really amazing.

Heidi is still battling breast cancer. I'm disappointed in her because she still retains a sense of vindictive, manipulative foolishness even after so many years and several attempts from me to be friends. Her karma, her loss, but I still support her healing.

Dean, as far as I know, remains completely happy with her now-not-so-new man, a mutual friend. This is excellent, because Dean deserves consistent, happy partnership.

The same might be said for Molly, who's been enjoying a longterm relationship with a pleasant enough guy for some time now. Good for her. She also remains very active in the local polyamory scene, and we run into one another from time to time as social events. It's good to see her happy, and I understand she's been returning to school. Excellent.


The Tomboy is still with her sullen gothboy, and God knows why, but she seems really happy. She moved further east, bought a motorcycle, and we remain in touch as friends. Like Molly, she remains active in the regional poly scene as well, and very recently we even teased one another about getting together sometime in the next few weeks. Like her as I do though, one of the reasons I broke up with her Way Back When was because scheduling things with her was like trying to bottle the passing breeze, so who knows what might or might not happen.

Likewise, recently I found myself talking with Stacy again. Very surreal. She's always been aloof about details with herself, but I understand she's doing well and looking for somewhere to move to now that she's ended her graduate studies program. We've idly talked about meeting for a drink sometime. Again, who knows what might or might not happen.

Morgan confirmed the plunge she took some time back and finally, really broke it off with her unkinky ex-husband. Good for her that she gave it another try, and good for her for realizing that it just wasn't going to work. We've been talking, as friends, again lately, and we discovered that she's a close friend to someone I recently had been chatting with on a dating site. That was a surprise. And, because of the dynamic involved, it's going to be interesting to see what happens if this woman in question is still interested in meeting me.

Why? Because Morgan beat me to the punch and shared this blog with her. Does that bother me? No, not really... I would have shared it anyway if it looked like we had any potential. But I also would have preferred to do that myself.

Hear that, Morgan, darling? If I weren't already potentially interested in meeting your friend, I'd be tugging you across my lap for a deserved spanking. But we'll see if I, or this blog, hasn't scared her away first, mm?

Hussy. smirk

So, on this anniversary, I'm at a crossroads. It's a confusing place of transition, but I also know that my world isn't going to stop to a halt because of changes in relationships. I find myself open to dating again, and as much as I would love to see myself in a solid, mutually rewarding longterm relationship, I also am sober enough to know that that sort of thing requires nurturance. Meanwhile, I'll date, be who I am, and enjoy the life ahead.