Flirting for it.

The scene: She's a dusky blonde in 70s style torn jeans. She's boarding a streetcar, and she has a young mulatto boy in tow. He's a black dude who is passing by on the street. Both are in a hurry and going in opposite directions.

Blonde: Hey!

Dude: Oh, hey!

Blonde: Haven't seen you in a while!

Dude: (laughs) Uh, yeah.

Boy: Mommy, can we sit here?

Blonde: Wow, yeah, you should call me! Really... I miss it. You still have my number?

Dude: Hell yeah!

Blonde: Alright then!

Hardware.

The scene: Another office break room. Renovations are underway in another part of the building. A female maintenance worker is seated at a table with her meal as a male carpenter walks nearby. He's carrying a cordless drill.

Maintenance Worker: (laughing) "Whoah, hey, that's a big fucking tool you got there, buddy!"

Carpenter: (stops in his tracks beside her) "Hmm... uh, yeah!"

Maintenance Worker: "I like the way you handle it."

Carpenter: (laughs) "And it goes forward and back!"

Maintenance Worker: "Ooo!"

The circumstantial cuckold.

The scene: Two male co-workers in the office's break room.

Guy 1: "No fucking way."

Guy 2: "Yeah, seriously. It's all over, he's told the kids, the kids are freaking out, and he's on the fucking couch while..."

Guy 1: "While she's..."

Guy 2: "...while she's already fucking another dude in their bedroom. He's on the goddamn couch! Can you believe that shit?"

Guy 1: "No fucking way."

Big girls, big love.

The scene: Another bar.
Three elegant, resplendently dressed BBWs, two brunettes and a blonde, are relaxing in the back room of a charming Cabbagetown pub. They lounge on overstuffed loveseats. They dish.

BBW 1: "So, he's like, 'No, really, I have problems with it.'"

BBW 2: "Problems?"

BBW 1: "Yeah. He gets all sheepish and, like, he says, 'Well, it's ten inches, and most girls can't handle it.'"

BBW 3: "Ten inches?"

BBW 1: "Yeah, so then he asks if I wanna see it, and I'm, like, 'Fuck yeah, I wanna see it!' and I gotta tell you, this guy was massive..."

BBW 2: "Wow..."

BBW 1: "...and thick like this, like a Coke can, and I'm like, 'Uh, no way is that thing going inside me!'..."

BBW 3: "...and, you know, it's not like it gets all hard in the same way, you know?..."

BBW 2: "Well, anything more than eight inches is kinda a waste anyway."

BBW 1: "But still, bigger just feels better, right? It just does. I mean, yeah, I once knew a guy who didn't have a particularly impressive penis, and he was one of the best lovers I ever had because of his attitude, his personality, his style, but still."

BBW 2: "Yeah."

BBW 1: "...Yeah, but big dicks don't get as hard. Especially for the ass. Like, if I'm gonna get it in the ass, it's gotta be really hard, you know?"

BBW 2: "Yeah."

Roomies.

The scene: A bar.
The bespeckled, brunette server is talking from behind the bar with a blonde woman and her date. It becomes clear that the woman actually are friends who live together.

Server: "So, like, did you get woken up recently?"

Blonde: "Your springs are kinda noisy. But, dude, it's ok."

Server: (chuckles) "Yeah."

Blonde: "Did we wake you up last night?"

Server: "No, no. I was dead to the world."

Blonde: "Well, that just means it wasn't very good."

The Guy: "What?"

Server: "True."

Blonde: "True."

The Guy: "Hey!"

Chopsticks.

The scene: A discussion between co-workers in a silkscreening business.


Male Co-worker: "Hey. You have chopsticks in your hair."

Female Co-worker: "Uh, yeah. Pens sometimes too."

Male Co-worker: "I have this friend, he and I would go to karaoke bars, and we'd always see this one woman there who had chopsticks in her hair..."

Female Co-worker: (folding a shirt) "Uh huh."

Male Co-worker: "...so we got to calling her 'Chopsticks,' you know? Well, not long ago, this friend called me and was, like, 'Hey! You'll never believe what I just saw!'"

Female Co-worker: "Uh huh..."

Male Co-worker: "'I was at this strip club,' he said, 'and guess who was dancing in front of me? It was Chopsticks! Chopsticks is a stripper!'"

Female Co-worker: "A karaoke-singing stripper. Well, I guess if you're doing karaoke, you may as well push your exhibitionism all way, huh?"

The hazard.

The scene: In my car as I'm cruising toward Kara's house.

Radio host #1: "...and Tiger's gotta know that everywhere he goes, everyone he's with, everything he says is being watched now. He may as well live like a cloistered monk. He can't even be seen asking a hotel cleaning maid for a box of Kleenex without..."

Radio host #2: "Saying a 'box of Kleenex' is an innuendo for something?"

Radio host#1: "No, I mean, he can't ask for a real box of Kleenex without someone with a camera phone jumping out of..."

Radio host #2: "You know, he said that he had 'hit bottom.' Right. I bet he hit a lot of bottoms."

Radio host #1: "Well, I was gonna say 'a camera phone lurking behind every bush,' but I reconsidered that one too!"

Who's your Daddy?

The scene: Three Desi
construction workers during a lunch break.

Worker #1: "So, I picked up this girl, she just come in from India..."

Worker #2: "She's horny then, right?"

Worker #1: "...and so I'm banging her doggystyle, right? (Makes fucking motions) I'm banging her hard and holding her hair back..."

Worker #2: (laughing)

Worker #1: "... and I'm like, 'Yeah! Yeah! Who's your Daddy? Huh? Who's your Daddy, bitch?..."

Worker #3: Uh huh yeah!

Worker #1: "...and then she looks up and says, 'What?! Who's my Daddy? Why you sayin' that? You've met my Daddy!'..."

Workers #2 and #3: (laughing louder)

Worker #1: "...'Why you askin' me who's my Daddy??'..."

Even ex-callgirls get the blues.

The scene: A trendy coffeehouse in the University of Toronto campus area.

She's a young, robust, longhaired light brunette dressed in black skiing wear. Her hair is tight on her head in a topknot, and she's slightly distraught as she chats on her cell to a supportive friend.

Coed: "... So, right, he just wasn't where he said he would be when he said he would be... so, you know, he's just so not boyfriend material, I guess. ...Yeah, it's a shame, cuz, you know..." sniffle

There's a pause when her supportive friend must remind her of something amusing, because suddenly she giggles.

Coed: "Yeah! I know! It's a shame I wasn't still seventeen, cuz I coulda charged him for it!"

Three lives conjoined.

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I'm lovin' it.

The scene:
A trio of uniformed, brunette schoolgirls at a downtown McDonald's.

Girl #1: Look at all this waste! This is, like, so many trees.

Girl #2: You know where else you can find a lot of wood, dontya?

Girl #3: (giggles) Gym!

Girl #2: (giggles) I love it when guys say, "Knock on wood!"

Girl #1: All the guys I hang out with...

Girl #2: ...are dirty.

(giggles)

Girl #1: No, it's, like, everything I say, they say it right back, like...

Girl #2: ... but dirty!

Girl #3: Knock on wood!

The Queen of Spades.

Friday night and Queen Street is pattered with rain. Traffic weaves around the red streetcars, the wayward pedestrains, impatient as the taxis deliver their well-dressed cargo to the corner of the Gladstone Hotel. The evening is still early and already the bar appears full when viewed through the elegant windows, the lounge beside simmering with the young, the successful, the countercultural, the trendy, the wannabes.

Her sleek heels clik on the wet pavement as she crosses the street toward the hotel. Her hair is taut across her scalp, the long and swaying strands of her rich brown hair complementing the movement of her hips as she strolls. The sheer dark miniskirt is as tight as a drum's skin, holding her thighs in an embrace, accentuating her small and so perky derriere as its cheeks raise and lower with each sensual and graceful step she takes. She's petite, likely in college, and as the faintest smile is spread across her amber lips as she makes her way to the lounge.

Friday night and she's on a prowl. Is the man she's seeking awaiting her? Or has she come out on her own on this windswept, rainsoaked evening, seeking to locate and lure the male object of her desires? What sifted through her mind as she selected that small skirt, those sleek dark shoes, and painted her face in her mirror?

One thing is certain: her intention tonight is likely very limited, very select. Will the night come to the result she seeks?

Upon the rear of her bare left calf, well above the sexy heels that clik and clak on the rainy pavement and stark against her so very white skin is a particular tattoo that, to the appropriate man's eye who knows its mysteries, reveals much about what it is she seeks to fulfill her Friday night with.

Girl talk.

The scene: Two brunette women, each in fashionable sunglasses and skintight hotpants, strolling through a custom motorcycle show.

Brunette #1: So, you know, he's kissing your ass.

Brunette #2: Huh?

Brunette #1: He thinks he'll get closer to me if he gets closer to you.

Brunette #2: Oh.

Brunette #1: He's just... so not what I'm looking for in a man. Like, he's always name-dropping, and he's all about his being a bank manager and all. Like, I laid it out to him, "This is how you come across." And he was, like, so hurt.

Brunette #2: Oh.

Brunette #1: But, Nick, you know. He's been really... working on his identity...

Brunette #2: Nick is gay?

Brunette #1: ... Is that what you heard out of that? His sexual identity?

Brunette #2: Uh...

Brunette #1: No. His identity as a person.

Brunette #2: Oh.

Brunette #1: Sometimes I really wonder about you, dude.

Brunette #2: Oh.

Women in black.

The scene: A downtown bus in Toronto.

Boarding this bus are two attractive, young, black women each wearing matching black suits and black sunglasses. They're pretty hip. They board the bus hand-in-hand, the first following the second, as the second says something playfully scoldingly to the first while they are boarding.

The Second: ... Yeah, that was very naughty...

The First: (Speaking to her partner, but now directly in front of the driver.) Oh really? So then do you wanna spank me?

Bus Driver: (Smirks in response.) Oh, thanks, but she can do that.

The First: (After a brief pause, then laughs with her partner.) ...Ah! Public transit!

The pornographer.

The scene: A late20s guy makes a cellphone call while riding the streetcar.

Guy: Hello? Hey, it's me. So, how'd she work out? ...No, huh. She wasn't into it. ...Well, maybe she just wasn't ready for it, yaknow? ...No, no, it's ok, it's ok, I was sort of looking for more of a woman of quality anyway. Maybe we can hook him up with... no, hey, you're the only one who thinks he's ugly, ok? Maybe we can hook him up with Madeleine. ...Uh huh. Well, you know, she (whispers)... yeah. ...Oh, yeah, Bangkok is all set, you'll love it, but we got to plan this carefully because we'll be wiped out from all the partying later, so we want to get in as much as we can from the start...

Chantel gets a good one.

The scene: The bar of one of my favourite pubs.

I'm enjoying some dinner while equally enjoying the athletic, denim-clad tiny derriere under brunette server Chantel's studded leather belt when her co-worker, a longhaired dirty-blonde, swats her soundly on her ass as Chantel taps a keg. The healthy crack echoes over the hockey game blaring from the flat-screen.

Chantel: OW! (laughs) ... Good one!

Co-worker: (smirks) You deserve it, slut!

Chantel: (laughs) Bitch!

Co-worker: (laughs) Ha!

She has a new boyfriend.

The scene: Two young women, a brunette with groceries and her blonde friend, on the movator of a large supermarket.

Brunette: So you wanna go out tonight?

Blonde: (laughs) Yeah, I'll be your boyfriend. We'll go on a date.

Brunette: (laughs) You'll be my boyfriend?

Blonde: Yeah, why not?

Brunette: (laughs) Then are you gonna lay your coat down across the slush for me when we get to the car?

Blonde: (laughs) Uh...

Brunette: (laughs) Yeah, no one really does that anymore, do they?

She has the power.

The scene: A men's room in a restaurant.

Guy 1: Standing at the urinal. Man, my wife is hornier than ever since she got pregnant!

Guy 2: Yeah, that's normal. Just wait another eight months. You'll be done then.

Guy 1: Dude, I'm scared to touch her!

Overheard on a streetcar.

Rumours and Brazilians.

An attractive, longhaired brunette Latina is talking on her cellphone while riding the Harbourfront streetcar.

Latina: "So that's how it is... can you believe it?... Right, I'm apparently sleeping with Jessica and Marie... I don't know where it was heard either, but it's a riot... Right apparently so, but Jessica, you know, mmm... no, no you weren't mentioned, you're safe... (laughs) ...so I went back for a trim, but her place wasn't open, and I would only let her go there, you know?... You did? When?... It feels awesome, huh?"


Andre's friend gets a new job.

A group of tall, cleanshaven, 20something dudes are on the crowded Bathurst streetcar. Andre is taunting his friend about some good news. Andre's friend seems pleased but kind of shy about it all.

Andre's friend: "So, it has me moving out of my parents' place. As soon as I got the word, I started looking for neighbourhoods."

Andre: "That's great. Definitely good. What area are you moving to?"

Andre's friend: "Downtown here, close to campus. It's an awesome place, and I would never been able to afford it without this. I'm already planning what my home office will be like."

Andre: "Hey guys, can you imagine this home office? Porn stud."

Andre's friend: "No, no, it won't be like that. But I tell you, Andre, they didn't even ask me for my qualifications, nothing. I gave them my resume, some references..."

Andre: "Your education would have taken you far. So what site is it for?"

Andre's friend: "I think it's called Twisty's dot com."

Andre: "Twisty's?? Are you serious? Dude, that's serious!"

Andre's friend: "You've heard of them? I hadn't."

Andre: "Dude, no way, that's something else, pornoboy."

Andre's friend: "Alright, fine, but let's not let the females in on it, k? I work for a film company, that's all."

Andre: "I got your back."