The Toybox: Topco's Liquid Sex Forever Silicone Lubricant.

Dean's head rested on the pillow as she lay on her right side before me, and I caressed her thigh as I lifted her left knee toward her chest. Her inner right thigh glistened with her excitement and I enjoyed the view of her small butt opening slightly as her leg moved upward.

Dean, you may recall, is my lithe and sexy early40s friend whose looks perpetually remind me of the ladies of ancient Rome and Greece, depicted in passionate scenes with flaking paints or colourful tiles. They are women who are deliciously unashamed of their sexuality, elegant in their tightly curled coifs, sensual in their joyfulness.

She looked over her shoulder to me, blinked her dark eyes as they mine, and more told me than asked me.

"Fuck me in my ass," she said, and rested her head back down. I smiled and reached for the curvaceous plastic bottle nearby.

"Wanna be a guinea pig?" I asked with a chuckle, snapping the plastic cap open and dribbling lubricant onto my fingers and palm. Kneeling behind her back, I slowly closed my eyes as I enjoyed the feel of my lubed grip first moistening my cock, and then toying with her dark, crinkled rosebud. Gently pressing, probing, spreading my fingertips, I teased Dean's willing backdoor until she felt pliant and relaxed.

When my cockhead squished pleasantly past her sphincter and the length of me started to slowly slide inside, Dean groaned quietly as we enjoyed a slow, smooth, silky ride.



Normally, I'm an Astroglide man, but Liquid Sex Forever Silicone quickly became a favourite lube for me. Being silicone-based, it stubbornly retains its slipperiness and silky texture, unlike other lubes I've used where reapplication is frequently necessary. It can stay slippery under water.

And I like the name. Why not start your night over the drink and make it a Liquid Sex night? Be careful, though: it unfortunately also shares the same moniker as a date-rape drug, so when you tell your partner that you bought some for the evening, you might want to show the sensually wavy squeezybottle before you find yourself talking to the nice police officer.

The only silicone lube made by California-based Topco Sales, the company also produces Liquid Sex in water-based formulas, including Classic, Light, Hemp and Ginseng Aphrodisiac, Warming, and X-treme. Applying previous business experience in aerospace technology and metallurgical engineering, Topco focuses on sextoy manufacturing, and is invented the sextoy material Cyberskin.

Unlike water- or (God forbid) oil-based lubes, silicone lubricants will not absorb into skin, giving it its longer-lasting characteristic. Silicone is an inert, artificial polymer (like rubber, PVC, and Silly Putty) often used in hair products, breast implants, menstrual cups, children's toys, caulking, and cookware. It's pliable while remaining phthalate-free, which should be very important to the health-conscious lover.

This can be ideal for a great session of fucking, but it's vitally important to remember silicone lubes have very few opportunities for safer-sex fuckplay. Silicone degrades latex, despite the fact that silicone is sometimes used on pre-lubricated condoms. Some sources claim that condoms marked with the "CE" label (approved by European health and safety standards) may be used with them, but I found little information to support this. In the heat of passion, it's probably enough to simply remember to use condoms and toys with water-based lube only.

As to sextoys, silicone dissolves other silicone surfaces, making them sticky and eventually disintegrating. This will be No Fun to you when your new $60 realistic dildo starts to look like something out of a 50s monster movie.

But if these limits to using a silicone lube don't really affect you (such as you're using it for self-play without silicone toys or you and your lover are fucking bareback), then I'd definitely go for Liquid Sex Forever Silicone before most other lubes of choice. It's durable smoothness makes for a fun, fantastic friction. It's one of the few lubes that, to me, felt almost indistinguishable on my cock to natural, vaginal juices. Definitely something I'll be keeping handy.

And now for something completely different.

I'm lovin' it.

The scene:
A trio of uniformed, brunette schoolgirls at a downtown McDonald's.

Girl #1: Look at all this waste! This is, like, so many trees.

Girl #2: You know where else you can find a lot of wood, dontya?

Girl #3: (giggles) Gym!

Girl #2: (giggles) I love it when guys say, "Knock on wood!"

Girl #1: All the guys I hang out with...

Girl #2: ...are dirty.

(giggles)

Girl #1: No, it's, like, everything I say, they say it right back, like...

Girl #2: ... but dirty!

Girl #3: Knock on wood!

Birthday wishes to a brave one.

Thanks to her Twitter, where she often shares pleasant tidbits about her wee kidlet, her interesting diet, and what new projects she's working on, I learned that it's adult entrepreneur Belladonna's 28th birthday today. I'm not usually one to be a celebrity-follower (porn or otherwise), but her work and attitude a have long been a favourite between Shayne and me for a good while.

Not only because she's gorgeous, she's hot, and she's articulate. No dummy, Belladonna found a way to persevere when her career choice was rocked by HSV2. I can't help but admire someone who has so adapted-and-overcame in both her personal and professional efforts.

You go, grrl. Happy birthday.

Oh, those wacky Brits.

In Canada, we're just coming down from the Victoria Day holiday, when our summer barbecues begin and the drinking hijinx are supposed to remind us that it's Queen Victoria's birthday.

Sexual regimentation was fundamental to social order during the Victorian dynasty, with sexual impulses (of women in particular) subjected to the strictest of controls, analysis, and barriers, most being rooted in misogynistic (or at least, ill-informed) suppositions. Great stuff for modern bondage fantasy, but I'd expect that being subjected to the public judgment of your neighbours wouldn't be all that much fun in 'real life.'

But this 2009, you say, not 1869. We don't have to worry about such things. Right?

Ask Caroline Cartwright.

There's a nifty little statute in Britain, the Anti-Social Behaviour Order, which gives the public certain powers when they're riled up about the goings-on in the neighborhood. Abandon your car on someone's property, and you're a fine candidate to be subjected with an ASBO. You and your skinhead buddies shout slurs to the Turkish people across the street, and you're a candidate for an ASBO. Spraypaint your tag on the post office, repeatedly harass that redhead, commit some obviously anti-social or abusive public behaviour, and you get slapped with an ASBO.

A "personalized criminal law," the ASBO enables citizens to file a legal complaint to "protect persons from anti-social acts," and it's no small feat to get one through the courts. First, the applicant must demonstrate that the defendant has "committed acts causing or likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress" and convince the court that only an ASBO will solve the problem. Hearsay is admissable evidence.

The defendant is then instructed to desist in the 'harassing, alarming, and distressing' behaviour. Breaching this order then changes the circustance from a civil matter to a criminal one, then to be tried in criminal court, and with criminal penalties (e.g., prison).

Did Caroline repeatedly kick the dogs in her area? Is she a vandal, a thief, an abuser? Does she threaten people, toss her trash out in the street, or shoot passers-by with a slingshot from her kitchen window? Nah.

Caroline's neighbours have subjected her to an ASBO because, well, she has great sex. In fact, she has such great sex that she screams and howls and cries out for more, shaking her bedframe with a thunder, rattling windows, heard far and wide. Poor Widow Tuffle can't bear to take her poodle out for walkies. The vicar can barely hear his own sermons on Sunday morning. The Johnson twins were perfectly scandalized during their game of hopscotch. It was awful.

Her neighbours were not, shall we say, enjoying it.

Leave it to the British to really appreciate Victorian values, despite being regarded by some as one of the most sex-positive nations in Europe. Identity crisis, anyone?

Naturally, in time, she violated the terms of her ASBO. After all, she had essentially been ordered by the court to stop having loud sex. Did she try to calm down? Probably. (And, please, no jokes about
gag orders.) But the woman may be potentially facing jail time because of how loudly she cums.

"But I can't help it," she pleaded.

Me, I'd love to see the looks that her husband must be getting from the women he passes on the street. Dude's got game!

Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau once famously commented that "the state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation." Perhaps the Cartwrights should seek asylum in Ottawa.

Frak.

Yes, yes, I know, I know... I'm a little slow on the uptake and I'm way behind in my share of obligatory teevee watching. Whatev.

But I'm actually just getting around to being riveted by the new Battlestar Galactica series (via DVD) for, like, the first time. I won't confirm nor deny that I grew up on the original series... coughcough... but, yeah, I've become really into it... But my local DVD haven hasn't had the goddamn 2nd series discs in for weeks. Then they got them, I was called for them, I procrastinated, and when I finally got to the store they were gone again.

Now I'm convinced that it's because of the hot scene that's supposed to be (you would know, I expect...) between Starbuck and Anders. All my friends told me I'd fall in love with Katee Sackhoff, and dammit, they were right. Even if she did grow her hair longer.

Yes, yes, I know, I know... I'm totally behind the times. Leave me alone in my shame, ok?

Craigslist courtesans of Toronto.

That being said...






... so there.