Sunday, December 18, 2011

Pardon me as I go wash the sheets.

There's a wide variety of tea in the kitchen, and I just brought in some croissants from this excellent patisserie on Queen Street. Please, by all means, help yourself. And don't let the cats bother you... neither of them bite. Relax, make yourself at home.

But I'm going to take a little hiatus now, and this may be just as well since posts have been irregular at best. Other writing projects are demanding my attention and I may be rethinking the entire approach to this naughty blog as well.

I enjoy hearing from you. Feel free to email me to share your thoughts, let me know how you're doing, what you've been enjoying in your visits here. But it's time for this blog to take a breather until at least into the new year.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Thanks, Mac.

Hey. Remember me?

Yeah, I've been wondering where I've been too.

Truth is, it's been tough to keep the blog updated lately, partially because I have yet to replace my home puter. But here's just a little heads-up to share that that may be amended very soon now.

Stay tuned!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Thank you, Edeltraud and Charles.

Translated into more than twenty languages and remaining on the New York Times best-seller list for more than ten years, Dr. Alex Comfort's The Joy of Sex set a new standard for sexual awareness when it was first published in 1972.

But as the BBC recently reported in an interview with artist Chris Foss, finding models for the now-famous illustrations was quite the task to accomplish.

"We were a bit nervous when we took this on," Foss tells the BBC. "The publisher had to write a contract which confirmed that they would pay our defence if some old fart decided to make an issue out of it."

Add to that the fact that prospective models were challenging to work with, eventually leaving Comfort and the publishing team in frustration... until the edition's colour illustrator, Charles Raymond, and his German wife volunteered to help out. Hurriedly posing for a series of photographs as they lovingly boinked, Foss would later select choice images to redraw for the coming book. Illustrations, rather than photographs, wouldn't break the then-current English obscenity laws. And the end result was a series of erotic art pieces that, arguably, have been among the first, most informative, and iconic sexual works of its time.

"They are obviously having a relationship. You can just tell by the way her body lies. I think the fact that they were in love had something to do with it," Ross says.

But current and future editions of the seminal work (nyuk nyuk) are likely to feature other couples in its illustrations, or even colour photographs, which are more commonplace in contemporary sexual instruction texts. Charles, with his beard and long hair, and Edeltraud, with her oh-so-European underarms are, apparently, too... what, exactly?... for current book buyers.

Harumph, says I.

"The bearded man was an icon, but he was a '70s icon," opines relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam, who added more of a female perspective on sexuality in in the 2008 edition. She has since "reinvented" the classic book with her own New Joy of Sex.

So it seems to me that a moment of appreciation is due for the loving couple who showed us so much back in the day. Thank you, Edeltraud and Charles. You guys were, and remain, gorgeous.


His name was Alex.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Urban Roguery: Six years of shameless decadence.

With this year's Halloween, I'm pleased to say that I've been enjoying sharing with you for six years now. Happy anniversary.

As some longterm readers know, this blog has gone through a few shifts and changes. Starting as a way for me to reconnect with my kinkself while involved with The Grrl, when that relationship ended it became a means for me to simply express and share and playfully record some of my experiences. Perhaps I was exploring some latent exhibitionism.

In time, the blog would also become a valve for me as a writer. Committing to it has enabled me to steer more attention toward my written work in general, and this in turn has led to some very nice successes in the last year. Being accepted into publication through Cleis Press was a big milestone for me, and the networking that I've been enjoying since then (hi Jon, Kendra, Meava, Rose Red and others) warms me deeply.

On these anniversaries, it's been my habit and pleasure to share a little update with you about some of the people you've been reading about. So here goes.

~ It frustrates me a little to say that while Ami and I remain excellent friends, we've hardly seen one another over the last two or so months, mostly because her work keeps her out of my area. As with several other partners, we live in different cities. She took me out to dinner for my birthday though, which was nice. Recent plans to meet over coffee didn't work out however, and part of me is concerned that we may drift apart, especially since the nature of relationship she seems to want is far closer to a friends-with-benefits thing than an affair. She doesn't respond passionately to saucy textmessages, and I try to not overthink that. Up until late this summer, I did do a lot of overthinking when it came to Ami.

But her two-year old nephew, who phones me to leave voicemail messages saying "I'm leaving you a message" totally cracks me up.

~ After more than a year since we'd last seen another, I ran into Molly at this year's Toronto Leather Pride event. She was with her new (open relationship) partner, a dapper young fellow with conservative looks despite the Satanism pendant that he wore. (Yeah.) We shared pints together and caught up on old times.

In the last year she's become quite the mover 'n shaker with one of this city's polyamory social networks, coordinating events and generally representing. Not long after seeing each other again, she literally invited herself over to my pad for dinner, and a... shall we say... very wet evening followed. The next day, we found ourselves attending an intimacy and communication workshop together that was really enjoyable.

~ The Tomboy is in a world of bliss, and she deserves every moment of it. She dropped the unemployed dude who was sucking the marrow out of her existence, traded him for a successful military history writer and consultant, and is totally gaga over her new Harley and the long roadtrips that she's been enjoying with it. She recently hosted a paintball competition for her son's birthday party, which I'm sad to say I had to miss. Similarly to Molly, she's become quite the mover 'n shaker in her region's kink community, also coordinating events and the like and making a nice name for herself.

We don't get to stay in touch as much as I would ideally like, but I think that's mostly because we're in different cities and have crazed lives. Still, I regard her as among my bestest friends now, and feel privileged to have her always-beaming, always-conspiring self in my world. She fucking rocks.

~ While Cupcakes and I reached a detente and decided that we could remain friends, to date we really haven't communicated much and have not acted on ideas to get together socially. For my part, my experience there either reminded or taught me about a few important things that I desire, and do not desire, in an affair or relationship, and I suppose that feeling is respectfully mutual. And that's ok.

Cupcakes reminded me, in a roundabout way, of the many differences between living an (honest) polyamorous life and living a (dishonest) monogamous one. She reminded me that its entirely different paradigms to, say, be open and straightforward about having or wanting multiple partners with whom love (not just sex) can be expressed freely and joyfully, and being involved monogamously with one person while having otherwise hidden partnerships from that person. She reminded me about the power of choice, and the repurcussions about choice. And she reminded me about the importance of integrity.

Still, Cupcakes desires, and deserves, happiness. My wish for her is that she can have it without someone else inadvertently being stung.

~ Diva began marketing sextoys as part of Athena's Home Novelties, and I can confidently attest that she's aptly skilled to do so. Back in the day, she did this when we were together with another company, Undercoverwear, hosting parties in our home.

She isn't single anymore, although I know nothing about her new partner. She was, however, recently in a nasty motorcycle accident that left her foot broken as the (drunk) driver who sideswiped her sped from the scene. The tough, kickass woman that she is, she managed to retain control of her bike and stop safely, despite the agony. Her bike was totaled, the driver remains uncaught, but she's alive and healing.

~ I ran into Dean at an open spiritual service, and many hugs followed. She's engaged to a mutual friend now, and I think this is awesome. She's also been increasingly more active in the northern Ontario kink community, which I also think is awesome. I'm really pleased that she's happy.

~ I'm somewhat chagrined about the way things seem to have been developing with Kara in recent months. In the last year, we had talked about the possibility of seeing one another for occasional kinkplay, but that idea would later get shot down. Talks about possibly meeting as-friends for dinner have yet to transpire into anything real, but that might just be because our schedules are so loopy. Maybe it's because she's with a new partner, maybe it's because I still owe her money from when she saved my ass during my still-too-recent year from hell, maybe it's because way back when she told me that she was the type to often end relationships quickly and firmly, but she seems to be drifting deeper and deeper into a non-communicative past. It does sting.

As a friend, I miss her. I miss her extraordinary kids. I finally, recently learned that I should stop textmessaging her to simply say that I miss her company because, well, she doesn't respond.

~ The Feline could be doing better. She continues to pursue her reiki work and animal activist interests, but she also keeps connecting with men who seem to value her only for her (admittedly, outstanding) oral skills and little more. Tragically, she lost two of her beloved cats in the last year, and that's affected her gravely. I worry about her.

~ Unexpectedly, I saw Morgan while working recently, and it was a treat. We talked about getting together "at our haunt" over a meal to catch up, though to date we haven't set up anything. I should amend this.

~ Ever true to form, my ex-wife Heidi remains a moral road accident. In the past, she worked hard to drive wedges between myself and some of our mutual friends and continues to lie to and leapfrog between the men in her life. I understand that she continues to battle her breast cancer, for which she continues to nevertheless have my support and encouragement, though I have no idea how or whether this has affected her pursuits as a boxer.

I continue to faintly hope that one day she'll wake up to the profound, lifelong damage she causes people and that we can begin again as friends with history. I'm not holding my breath though. To do that, she'd first have to find the courage to admit where she's gone wrong, own up to the nuclear fallout that that admission would bring to her, and grow the fuck up into an actual healthy human being. Meanwhile, whatthefuckever.

~ Several past partners have completely dropped off the face of the earth to me.

First and foremost: The Grrl has a whole new life, new cats, and as I understand it, a new partner whom she loves very much. She's back in an excellent and trendy part of the New Jersey/Pennsylvania region, where she continues to make art, pursue her reiki practice, connect with social justice and intentional community causes, attend hardcore concerts, and live life as best as her fibromyalgic limitations permit. She recently became an aunt. She was briefly hospitalized over the summer over a neck injury which required a brace, but she pulled through. She loves to travel, and sometimes I wonder if she ever passes through my area without my knowledge.

I miss her. I wish we could rebuild things to a better friendship, but it is what it is. It's stupid and it's sad.

Shayne, oh Shayne. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that I haven't seen her in more than two years now and how much of an impression my affair with her has left on me. Yet, despite once-upon-a-time protestations that it would never happen, she chose to burn the bridge toward just friendship. I continue to completely not comprehend, much less simply know, her reasons why.

To my knowledge, she's thoroughly happy, which I'm glad for. She and her once-new man are married now and her glorious son is about two years old by now, I think. She's developed a wonderfully beautiful Tumblr account dedicated to him, filled with supportive, nurturing, lesson-teaching messages and images for him to read and enjoy for when he's older. I suspect that she, with all of her charm and creativity and warmth and insightful spark, is an extraordinarily incredible mother. Knowing her as I do, I'd wish to have her as my mother, were I an infant again.

I miss being available to her for counsel and companionship. There was a time when I would have loved to have her and her husband as guests in my home.

I miss her. I wish we could rebuild things to a better friendship, but it is what it is. It's stupid and it's sad.

The Tornado is probably still skimming the surface of life, struggling with her issues, and I hope she gets the assistance that I truly believe she needs. I'm reminded of her when I use the French coffee press she left at my pad.

Little Ginger moved to Saskatchewan, where apparently she's found work connected with the local government. She's deleted the dating profile that I first encountered her through.

The Raven is still single and continues her work in coordinating an alternative school and is engaged in grassroots efforts to halt climate change.

The Valkyrie has been exploring some kink-related dating sites, but to my knowledge she remains single despite connecting with a Daddy Top at some point.

Some slightly-related updates:

~ In a bizarre way, Hannah has re-entered the periphery of my world after more than two years. It turns out that the number of mutual friends we have has been increasing exponentially over the last few weeks, and I saw her at a recent hot tub party hosted in the Ontario boonies over the summer.

Because there's been some unusual skittishness from her since we last saw one another (quite by happenstance on the street), I had already sent her a friendly, polite note to let her know that we might run into eachy other again, and that I intended to respect whatever boundaries she might have. (I had previously expressed my interest in possibly dating her again, you see, and she turned me down in a perfectly relaxed and cordial way.)

But throughout these past few years, I never completely understood what the problem was. For me, there remained an unexplained vacuum, something that clearly bugged her and even seemed to stand in the way of us being friends. It was just too weird for me to ignore it indefinitely, and if we were going to be rubbing elbows among mutual friends, I needed some semblance of mental closure. At a comfortable and opportune time during the party, I asked her what was what. It turns out that I apparently strongly remind her of another man who, for whatever reason I didn't dare ask, was a Bad Scene.

Ok, yeah, that disappoints me. I'm me, and as a person, I like her enough to desire friendship... but what can ya do.

We saw one another again within the last few days at a Halloween party. She was with a partner, a gentleman dressed nicely in Top fetwear. Her costume, a wood nymph, won first prize. She seemed a little more comfortable in my presence this time, actually responded favourably to a cordial Facebook friend-request, but I may continue to give her polite distance.

~ Remember how I've shared about the Women Downstairs? Serene has begun recreating herself with a hardcore weightloss regimen, and she's looking outstanding. Not too long ago, she stopped me to share that she recently enjoyed attending an all-lesbian bondage party where she was soundly fisted while hanging in a restraint swing. And all I wanted was to borrow a cup of sugar.

Lacey eventually moved from sharing space with her to another part of the house once things between her and her Airline Attendant became more serious. They married this year, they're ridiculously happy, and have begun growing tomatoes in the backyard. Replacing Lacey as Serene's housemate is the Elf, an incredibly lithe shorthaired blonde whom (I have on good authority) has a thing for big black cock.

~ And speaking of airline attendants, Tari and I briefly talked about the possibility of reconnecting if her job ever brought her to my area, but to date that hasn't occured. We remain close friends despite not having seen each other in years.

~ I never had the opportunity to date Rollergirl, and as far as I know, she eventually reconnected with Mr. Lucky, which is something she wanted all along anyway. In fact, despite the occasional correspondence through Facebook, we have yet to even actually, physically meet.

~ Life circumstances prevented me from coordinating a private spanking party event at my pad this past summer. But I'm determined.

~ I've mentioned at least two male friends on the blog.

Bodybuilder eventually forgave his wife for her unmonogamous infidelities and reconnected with her. He's been enjoying successes in his career field and seems to be happy.

Flute, mentioned in a recent post, has been dead now for perhaps three years. We had the kind of friendship that seemed to come into play whenever there was crisis in our lives concerning the women we loved, with the Fates directing us to one another when one or both of us was having a hard time. He seemed to know when I was stinging, and he'd call. I'd seem to know when he was stinging, and I'd call.

Then one day I got the sense he was stinging, and I didn't call. Life, maybe. Work, probably. I'll get around to it. In a minute.

And then I got word that he chose to end his life. It was over a woman. Again.

Halloween, called Samhain by some, is about a lot of things. For some people, it's about dressing the kids in Batman costumes and dishing out Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups. For others, it's about going to fetish balls and dressing to the nines. For still others, it's about reconnecting and remembering those we have loved who have taken a journey ahead of us.

Flute will be among those I'll be remembering this Halloween, this Samhain. He was a good, loving man and, like so many men who have trouble handling radical change in the face of lost and unrequited love, did not deserve the pain he had to work through and that led to his unfortunate choice.

Thanks for listening. And thanks for reading this blog.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Coming up for air.

I know. I know. Apart from some straightforward images (as enjoyable as they are) and public notebook quips (all conversations guaranteed overheard), I've hardly blogged at all lately.

But believe me when I tell you that that isn't because things have been quiet over here at Rogue Enterprises, International. Oh no, baby.

So I'm taking this brief moment to come up for air and share with you that these last two or three weeks have been extraordinary, and so far they're capping what became one of the most sensually outstanding summers I've enjoyed in a long time. God knows how long it's going to take me to share it all with you, but I'm going to enjoy trying.

I've already shared the most recent experiences with my amazing friend and occasional partner, the Tomboy, and when it was good over a few inspired days, with Cupcakes. I have yet the share the sordid, delicious details involving two surprises: a never-saw-it-coming re-meeting tryst with Molly again, and encountering a deliciously charming, cosmopolitan, and elegant former hippie, Rose Red, who came to me through (to my pleasant surprise) reading this blog. Glorious and extraordinary lovers, excellent people, all. Yum!

Also keeping me smiling is having encountered and begun enjoying the company of the people behind the Ontario branch of the Human Awareness Institute. Along with several other body-positive associations that you'll see listed on the "Sexual Wellbeing" column to the right, HAI has begun to deeply intrigue me. It isn't only very rarely that I choose to plug some organization or enterprise, but having begun experiencing what these people have to say has definitely raised my spirits.

Briefly, the Human Awareness Institute facilitates a series of workshops that, in my view, can be incredibly relevant for couples and singles of any preference who are looking to expand upon their relationship communication skills and individual self-awareness. I encountered them following an introductory workshop presented at a Unitarian Universalist church (not that HAI is religious in any way), and later participated in a weekend camping retreat event they've developed. As one who is drawn to sensual expression and relationships dynamics issues in general, it was a no-brainer for me to take a closer look at their platform and process, and I'm very pleased to have done so. Heartily recommended.

And then there are the more private hot tub and sauna parties that I've been enjoying lately with other new friends. Life is grand, sensually grand.

Do I sound boastful? Not trying to. Just enjoying Her gifts.

Through various people, I've been enjoying more discourse about subjects relevant to polyamory, and I suspect they'll make for excellent thought and reading here in due time. A few sexuality-related news items have been hitting the papers in my region that I also think deserve some attention.

Halloween is coming. There's a wide variety of sex-positive and fetish-related events happening here in Toronto, and I'm still deciding where I'll be. But one thing I know I'll be doing is making my 2011 blog anniversary post, where I enjoy sharing updates with you about the people you've been reading about over the last year.

But, in time, soon, there is someone else I would really enjoy introducing you to. She's a mid30s shorthaired actor who has to be among the most sensual and breathtaking creatures I have ever known, and she has me completely smitten.

And I may well be falling in real love again. Yeah.

Her name is Dorian.

Flirting for it.

The scene: She's a dusky blonde in 70s style torn jeans. She's boarding a streetcar, and she has a young mulatto boy in tow. He's a black dude who is passing by on the street. Both are in a hurry and going in opposite directions.

Blonde: Hey!

Dude: Oh, hey!

Blonde: Haven't seen you in a while!

Dude: (laughs) Uh, yeah.

Boy: Mommy, can we sit here?

Blonde: Wow, yeah, you should call me! Really... I miss it. You still have my number?

Dude: Hell yeah!

Blonde: Alright then!

Thursday, October 6, 2011


The scene: Another office break room. Renovations are underway in another part of the building. A female maintenance worker is seated at a table with her meal as a male carpenter walks nearby. He's carrying a cordless drill.

Maintenance Worker: (laughing) "Whoah, hey, that's a big fucking tool you got there, buddy!"

Carpenter: (stops in his tracks beside her) "Hmm... uh, yeah!"

Maintenance Worker: "I like the way you handle it."

Carpenter: (laughs) "And it goes forward and back!"

Maintenance Worker: "Ooo!"

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Panties and petroleum.

At the King Street border between the pretentious, yuppie, upstart Liberty Village and the historic, downtrodden, depressed Parkdale 'hoods of Toronto stands a high-walled, gated, ominous compound. It's the city's Road Operations and Transportation Services building, where the heavy machinery and working vehicles that maintain the city's streets are kept. Inside, boiler room dispatch offices respond to emergency calls regarding flooding, fallen trees, and other city problems.

My current work routine takes me past this building several times a day. And every single time, I'm reminded of the Grrl. It isn't just because the West Queen West pad that we shared is only a few blocks away; that happened later. It's because of the dark evening when we were inside that compound together and where I first saw her (mostly) bare body.

Flute was a friend of mine. A sometime handyman and fulltime freespirit, he played a charming First Nations flute when he wasn't helping someone put up drywall. He worked inside this compound at the time, handling dispatch calls to ferry emergency repair vehicles to Toronto homeowners who were freaking out over this thing or another. And he had access to city vehicles.

My situation was different then. I didn't own a car at the time. For reasons that escape me, I was unable to pick the Grrl up from the airport, and Flute was more than happy to offer me a ride with a van that he was using regularly. He and I had a bond about the women in our lives, and he was totally cool with helping me out when it came to Someone Important Coming To Visit.

It was the first time she had come to Canada, the first time we would be together. After our first meeting, we were touch-and-go for a while as she mediated matters with a previous partner. By the time we were planning her visit, she had left that boyfriend and I was excited to pieces about the all-clear signal.

I remember watching her stroll down the walkway at the airport. The roses I gave her. Our first, real kiss. Taking her and her luggage to That Van.

That Van was not exactly a chartered limousine. A bluecollar working vehicle, it was an awful shade of sky blue with countless scuffs and dents and marks and stains. The interior was packed with plumbing and electrical equipment, used rags, safety gear, hardhats. Flute was a smoker, so on the grimy dash was a mayhem of crushed Du Maurier boxes and snubbed filters along with the old Pepsi cans and dozens of torn road maps, fuel receipts, work orders, and the like. Both the seats and flooring were stained and worn. A side mirror was cracked. Rust bordered the double panel doors on the side. And throughout it all, the lingering, dense odor of old oil, gasoline, kerosine. It was a scent that was so deep that it almost had a texture, as if you could feel it entering into the pores on your face if you found yourself around it for too long.

Romantic, no?

I loaded the Grrl's luggage into a reasonably clean spot in the back, she found some acceptable space on the rear benchseat, and the three of us laughed as we pulled away from the airport.

She was hungry. I already planned on taking her to dinner, but as it turned out, traffic had kept Flute away from his duties longer than he had hoped. It became necessary for him to stop by the Road Operations compound for a short while. The Grrl smiled through the minor inconvenience. We decided to do dinner first, after this detour, and go back to my pad later.

It was growing dark. After we pulled into the compound, Flute secured a gate behind us and parked That Van in a small alley before he dashed into an office for almost an hour.

The Grrl and I relaxed, talked, passed the time. We kissed some more. I was feeling the first stirrings of what would become one of the deepest love affairs of my life.

Practical-minded, the Grrl asked me to fetch a few things from her luggage. Since we were doing dinner first, she decided to change clothes. Here and now. Then and there. In a dirty van that was parked in a narrow alley between two foreboding municipal buildings, on a stained and cruddy backbench. I fumbled a little in the twilight, but found and returned with some fresh pants and a very bohemian sweater.

Still seated, she smiled. Both of the van's center doors were wide open as I then watched her slowly remove the black Tshirt she was wearing to reveal a tight sportsbra. We talked, casually. She kept smiling. She removed her Doc Martens to lower the khaki camoflage pants she had on, leaning back into the seat as she reached for her belt buckle. She kept looking into my eyes, smiling as I listened to the clink of metal clasps, the zing of a lowering zipper. I smiled back as she raised her beautiful, broad ass from the dingy seat and started to wiggle the pants down her legs.

Her radiant, slate eyes. Her thighs. Black thong. Her facing me, her legs open as her knees were level to my eyes as she took the pants from my hand.

The mound between her thighs. The bulge and the faint hint of seam, barely made out in the dark.

She put on the pants. Flute would return shortly after.

Changing into dinner clothes on the stained seat of a workhorse van, and all the while beaming with a wide, toothy smile as she watched me watch her. That's the kind of woman she is, and why it became so easy for me to go crazy over her.

Later, I would learn all about that mound, that bulge, that seam. I would learn all about the way the Grrl's outer labia would flush several shades of red when she got excited, hot, wet, and how that labia would swell like two crescent-shaped pillows. I would learn all about the way the flesh of her cunt would resemble a short-stemmed tulip, as if the flower were simply laid upon her body, the petals ensconcing the tender clitoris that I would enslave myself to for the next several years.

I really miss giving her head. And how she would do me too.

The sex we shared that night was extraordinary. We simply kissed and caressed for longer than I could remember. We smoked some dope, listened to soothing yoga music, and entwined for hours upon hours. I relished in her joy to be taken in her ass, and loved how she moaned deeply as she had me, her eyes crushed tight and her teeth biting her lower lip as she felt my calves to her thighs while I slowly and deeply thrust. She would breathe deeply and groan when I would stop to lay still on top of her back. I remember the soothing, complete pleasure I felt to have my bodyweight on her, holding her, my legs snaked around hers, my fingers massaging her scalp through her short, auburn hair as her opened sphincter gripped the very root of me tightly, snugly, warmly when I filled her with my total all.

Between wine and cannabis and sensuality and beauty, we didn't simply "see God." We became God. Kali and Shiva.

And it began with that moment of seeing her bare legs, her thigh, her underwear in that most unsexy of places. That unsexiest of places that, of late, I pass every day, several times a day.

Wow. That was at least seven or eight years ago.

Yeah. I miss her. Still.

Friday, September 30, 2011

And now for something completely different.

Wir sprechen verschiedene Sprachen.

The apparent, simple truth is that once I began sharing August's experience with Cupcakes, she and I needed to have a time-out to do some debating, listening, sharing. This is healthy.

Suffice to say this: after what seemed (and, to be fair, to both of us) to be a really nice start, a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding followed. I did something that, to me, was a no-brainer that inadvertently rattled her cage, and she said something unrelated that, to her, was a no-brainer that inadvertently rattled mine. Oops.

We discovered that we differed on some pretty basic and important personal paradigms. Somehow, perhaps in our shared interest in primary relationships, we simply didn't have enough Talking Time (or, more likely, Time for Talking Time) to really dig under our skin and learn one another. As a result, perhaps some mutual assumptions about each other were made. Oops.

But it became clear that we simply speak different languages.

Later, thanks to all this poor communication, we seemed to view one another with slightly skewed lenses. Unfortunately, a little interpersonal drama resulted over a few days. Oops again.

We talked. We gave ourselves a time-out. We talked more, and we listened. And we've agreed that we're better off as friends, and this also is ok.

No more oopses.

That being said:

Here, I'm a writer writing a blog about sexuality, relationships, and the occasional playful (or not) tweak about the dynamics of dating and social structures. When I'm not writing to get us off or be playful or make a point about something, I try to do this as honestly as possible while also maintaining a certain sense of decorum. (Yes, Virginia, decorum, even as I tell people about how much you like to call me Daddy when I pull your hair as I fuck you from behind.) This blog is a personal, ideally sensual endeavor, and many are the people who may be written about here whom I care for and love, in varying degrees, and in almost all circumstances I make my best effort to share with respect and levels of appreciation.

That doesn't mean that I won't write something that stings if I believe that, in doing so, I'm trying to make a point of reference that others (hopefully, and yes, including me) can learn and benefit from. But you get the idea.*

There was a moment when things could have gone either way between myself and a certain pastry I know. I may not be licking her icing again anytime soon, but for the time being, it's entirely possible that I may share future references to her after we attend this or that or somethingorother as friends. Which is how we planned on starting out as anyway. Who knows.

Cupcakes? I'm glad we talked. Kisses.

* Oh. With the possible exception of my ex-wife. Sorry folks, but I've earned that one. Heidi? Burn in hell. Kisses.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Talkin' dirty.

Lately, I've been thoroughly enjoying actually meeting some of you who read this blog. It's been a delicious, surreal treat.

Why delicious? Well, at least one of you makes these awesome breakfast treats out of your trendy bakery.

Why surreal? Well, it's an interesting experience to be shaking hands with someone, just meeting for the first time, and knowing that this other person's head may be swimming about everything you've written about, oh, you know, getting your cock sucked.

And the thought that maybe, just maybe, they got off on it as they relaxed at their computer. Or that it inspired something scandalous with their partner that same evening. Mmm.

But attending last evening's first gathering of the Toronto Erotica Writers/Readers Meetup broke new ground for me. In addition to schmoozing with accomplished local eroticists like Myna Wallin and D.C. McMillen, it felt like coming home again when I read some recent work before the microphone. In another life, I used to produce a radio broadcast and did some professional storytelling, so felt like all the planets were nicely aligned again.

Part of the purpose behind this blog was to keep my writing machine oiled. It's time to move forward and to expand into other modes of publishing and expression.

Thank you, Kara for pushing me toward Cleis last year. I owe you. Thank you, Ami, for just occasionally asking me 'how all the writing is going.' Thank you, Cupcakes, as a matter of fact, for, in a bizarre way, teaching me more about the difference between writing from the heart and simply "airing dirty laundry." And thank you, Rose Red and Kerdra and Maeva for becoming the supportive and intelligent new friends that you are.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The circumstantial cuckold.

The scene: Two male co-workers in the office's break room.

Guy 1: "No fucking way."

Guy 2: "Yeah, seriously. It's all over, he's told the kids, the kids are freaking out, and he's on the fucking couch while..."

Guy 1: "While she's..."

Guy 2: "...while she's already fucking another dude in their bedroom. He's on the goddamn couch! Can you believe that shit?"

Guy 1: "No fucking way."

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Bedtime stories.

Like a stage, her charmingly elegant bed commanded the room, and I was still smiling over the sight of the assorted sextoys and kinktools when, naked, I slid under the sheets with her. This was going to be a nice night, I thought to myself as she rested her bare back to my chest.

We enjoyed dinner, some wine at her pad, and discussion about intimate truths, desires, possibilities between us. I was liking her. We romped on her couch. She had already cum in my mouth. I had already spanked her bare, oh-just-so-slightly-fawn behind. It was a comfortable, relaxed, sensual energy.

She groaned happily when I began massaging the nape of her neck, her back, her thighs, when she asked me to read my entry in the erotic anthology that I had been recently published in.

"You like bedtime stories, do you?" I smirked. She smiled prettily, her bare shoulder peeking from under the rich, burgundy sheets. Supported by the pillows, we relaxed side-by-side on our chests as I reached for the book.

"I was in my bliss," the story began, and I was. "I could not have imagined a more perfect way to cap last night's happiness."

Written from the perspective of a daring wife, it's a story about sensual discovery, about exploration between two partners in love, about breaking taboos, and about assplay. As I read, it seemed naughtily appropriate to caress Cupcakes' smooth, broad back, my warm hands gradually lowering to massage the base of her spine and, finally, her lovely round ass.

"I bobbed my outstretched palms and fingers on his flesh, feeling his bubble shape and patting him. His ass filled my hands nicely. I slowly drew a finger or two up and along the seam between his cheeks, enjoying how pert he really was. I slowly probed a finger inside father, found his anus and teased it with a fingertip."

I paused and looked at her, a risque idea rippling in my head. I set the book aside for a moment as I sought the lubricant from the table beside her. I moistened the fingers on my left hand, gave her a gentle kiss, and returned to my reading. My wet hand slipped under the covers again, and as I resumed, parted between her asscheeks to press themselves lightly on her backdoor. She sighed and settled her head deeper into her pillow.

"I took a breath and chose to move forward. I chose to press my luck."

Cupcakes' anus was warm and tight as it clutched my finger. Slowly, I teased her open with smooth, circular strokes, enjoying the feel of her winking muscles. I probed gently, just the tip, and gradually coaxed her body into accepting more and more of my digits. By the time the protagonist in the story had her husband bent over a bathroom sink and was fully penetrating him with her fingers, my index finger was slowly pistoning inside Cupcakes' curvy body. The story was ending.

"I nipped his shoulder gently as I slowly withdrew my fingers and his chest surged forward slightly. His eyes still bore into mine. He was still panting."

I knelt up, my fingers still inside her, and brought my naked cock closer to her mouth. She tilted her head to take me, and as I set the book aside and probed her womanly bottom, she suckled me to hardness. I thrust into her mouth slowly, enjoying the feel of her pouty lips around my cock before I reached to the table again for a another condom. I pulled from her mouth, kissed her, and asked her what she supposed was coming next.

"You're going to fuck my ass, aren't you?" she replied. Her panting increased.

And I did. I set her to her right side, her left knee high and at her chest, as I lubed her further. I caressed her back slowly as I aimed my cockhead to her prepped and ready hole, and cooed with her as I felt it give way to my gradual entry. Once in, I gave her a few moments to get used to the feel of me, all the while tugging her hair in my fist and holding onto her left calf. In another moment, I started to fuck her.

She groaned under me. She gripped the pillow between her fingers. She watched me from over her shoulder, her eyes squinting in an almost angry "You're going to fuck my ass, aren't you" look. Her mouth was silently open as she watched me take her deeply, my hips eventually pounding against her thighs and asscheeks as I took her. Balled into fists, I would rest my hands at either side of her, my torso bent over her body as I pistoned my cock inside her. She was completely enjoying herself, watching me, feeling me, humping her ass backward toward me to take me back. Soon, she started to shake and cry out, those angry eyes shut tight now as she started to cum. Her mouth opened wider, her backward thrusts became faster and harder, and she thrust her face into the pillows when she let out a series of highpitched wails.

I slowed down. I withdrew. I held her. She raised her head with a look of ecstacy and satisfaction and disbelief on her face.

"I... I came," she said, blinking and panting. "That was fucking amazing. I never come that way."

I hadn't. But I wasn't worried about it: that often happens with me when I'm with a new partner, and God knows I was still having tons of fun with her. But Cupcakes was still hungry, and so soon I found myself giving her a little show as I stripped off the condom, cleaned myself up, relaxed on the bed beside her, lubed my fist, and stroked myself as she watched, wide-eyed.

"Yeah... show me how you do it..."

One arm under my head, I smirked as my other fist squeezed, stroked, and pumped my hard cock. Cupcakes leaned up on an elbow and kept her eyes glued to my thickening, reddening dick as my fist sped faster and faster, more and more noisily, as I jacked it for our mutual pleasure. I was groaning, watching her watching me. Her lips went slack and her eyes glazed over as they remained fixed upon my body. My fist became a blur.

"Wow... you do it so fast..."

I kissed her temple and ran my fingers through her short, dark, tightly curled hair as I stroked. One of my personal fetishes gripped me as I gripped myself. Pausing to add more lube to my fist from time to time, I enjoyed the completely randy noise of it squishing between my fingers and my cock as Cupcakes panted quietly. Between the sound of her breath and my stroking, I started to feel the familiar quiver in my sac, the tightness in my abs. I arched my back when I felt the roiling inside me, the pressure building up in my abdomen, and I used my muscles to squeeze those happy tubes inside me tight to rack it up for release. Cupcakes drew herself closer, riveted, and for a moment I wondered if she planned to bring her face near my dick to receive my seed. When I finally let myself go, streams of me burst from my purple cockhead and splashed across my hips, legs, and stomach until I collapsed with my weight fully enshrouded by that exquisite bed of hers. A gentle silence came over the room.

"That was so hot," she whispered into my ear as I felt the waves within me slowly subside.

We cuddled. I stood with a satisfied laugh and had a fast shower. I enjoyed the feel and scent of her body beside me as we shared the rest of the night, the room slightly aglow from the reflected light of the streetlamps outside, the raindrops on the windows shimmering like small jewels. It was very pleasant.

We showered together the next morning, and I scrubbed her back as we talked more about relationship possibilities and how we might manage to work around our work schedules. I left before her, and as I groggily I made my way to my car, I found myself smiling. I had made a new friend, found a new lover, and for a few light moments, enjoyed the idea that perhaps I didn't have to be single anymore. I liked it.

Not long after, we shared some saucy textmessages.

Cupcakes: We certainly had more than a drink, now didn't we?

Me: We certainly did ;)

Cupcakes: Just lying here naked in bed thinking about when you read to me. And more to the point when you fucked my ass ;) More please ;)

Me: I loved the way you looked over your shoulder at me as I took your lovely ass.

Cupcakes: I love how you took my ass. I guess we're even. ;) I'm thinking you should take over parts next time

Me: Mm. Perhaps I'll start with your purdy mouth... ;)

Cupcakes Mmm. That's if I don't jump on your cock first ;)

... But alas.

I really liked Cupcakes. Our first evening together seemed like a delicious start to what, I later began to imagine, could have been a wonderfully saucy experience between two smart, kinky, articulate, adventurous people. I had visions of her on my arm at local fetnights, her bedecked resplendently in corset and hose before feeling my crop, my palms, my cat. I wanted to bring her home for dinner, and then... for dinner. I wanted to speed her away to a pleasant weekend getaway where we might enjoy a shared shameless decadence. It could have been really nice. It could have been delightfully scandalous. It could have, could have, could have. Ah, well.

As it turned out, the Fates were just teasing me. It was an illusion, a calm before a coming storm. Soon, I would realize that despite my best wishes and intentions, despite efforts toward openness and maturity and understanding, I would find that my trust had been entirely misplaced. I wasn't at all prepared for the downward spiral that still lay ahead, and all in almost record time.

Boy, was I stupid.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

My foolish sweet tooth.

Once again, I didn't follow my instincts.

She was a reader of the blog, a sexblogger herself, and found me through a fetish networking site. She was going through a breakup at the time and had moved nearby from another city to the west, and she approached me to see if I'd be willing to escort her around the Toronto fetish scene. It sounded like fun, and I've come to really enjoy meeting blogreaders lately. She wanted an opportunity to make new friends, start over, and move beyond whatever it was that her previous Top partner had apparently stung her with. She was missing "kinky submissive goodness."

Me, I expected that we'd make platonic good friends, and having her on my arm would give me an excuse to go to all those local fetnights that I've allowed other elements in my world to keep me from lately. Win-win.

For eight months, off and on, we chatted through the fetish networking site. She was full of compliments about my writing, and eventually the flirting began. It became more personal. I already knew that she had also connected with a new Top Daddy, and since both my being largely poly and the fact that she hadn't really become Serious on my radar yet, I had no issue with that and told her so. After all, if nothing clikked, there was no reason why we couldn't stick with the original plan and just be buds exploring the local vibe, right? Sure. We set up a date for drinks.

Over a perfectly pleasant Indian meal, we discussed ourselves, our desires, mutual interests... the usual on-a-date thing. We talked about her past experiences amid the fetscene in her previous city, and she bemoaned the drama in her post-breakup experience there.

(Oh, the irony. ...But I digress.)

Gradually, our datetalk seemed to shift from comrades-in-kinkdom-looking-to-attend-stuff-together to potentialities-in-seeking-primary-partnership-in-life. Was she asking me if I was interested in pursuing a partnership with her? I rolled with it, enjoying myself.

Cupcakes is an early30s mulatto brunette BBW with a passion for shoes but yet, curiously, is also hugely podophobic. (I would later tease her that the worst BDSM punishment I could ever put her through would be to blindfold and restrain her as a circle of men and women gently touched her body with their bare feet.) I was initially intrigued with her background in French literature, her mixed race status, her desire to submit.

And, yes, it's true: the possibility that maybe there might be something here beyond dating, beyond even fucking, appealed to me. I do enjoy being single. But it's also not been since Kara since I had the compatible opportunity for More. Cupcakes appealed to that sweet tooth.

While we were relaxing on the couch in her small apartment, I was looking into her dark eyes when I moved closer for the first kiss. Her lips responded lightly, and as I brought my hands upward to her head and nipped at her ear, she began to slowly melt under me.

I enjoyed the texture of her tight, small, black curls as I held her head and nibbled upon her neck. Her gasps were moist in my ear. Her groans were soft as I tugged her hair from behind. Her nipples began to harden under her lacy top, and when her round, firm breasts were revealed to me, they were capped attentively.

When I found myself kneeling on the floor before her couch, tugging her jeans down to reveal the equally lacy black panties under them, my cock was straining inside my jeans. I removed my shirt, parted her thick legs, and began to taste her. The panties were tugged aside, and I nipped at her thigh as a very lightly sparsed mound opened itself up before me. I swabbed her with my tongue. She gasped and cooed appreciatively.

After a short while, I was eager to see her ass. Turning her down and around, she rested her knees to the floor and bent comfortably with her tummy on the couch. I tugged the panties down and off an ankle, and knelt back as I enjoyed the sight her her womanly round derriere. Opening her up, I continued to taste her from behind, but soon switched to lay down on the floor itself with her thighs to the sides of my head, holding her hips gently as I lowered her pouty cunny toward my mouth. She was warm and rich and definitely moist, and her scent soaked my light beard and lips as she gently rode me.

Soon, I knelt up. I caressed her broad back, massaging her shoulders as she whimpered into the cushions. I moistened and began sliding my fingers inside her, probing her Gspot as I fucked her with my hands. My fingers teased, slid, twisted, cupped, fucked. When she finally came, I was stroking ribbed flesh within her body as she shuddered and quaked beautifully.

I stood and stepped to her bedside table, where a small stack of condoms already awaited me. Selecting one, I tore the package open with my teeth and continued to watch her, on hands and knees over the couch, as I rolled it down the length of me. I brought my knees to the carpet, held the base of my cock with my fist, and slowly guided it inside her thick body. She looked at me from over her shoulder, her mouth open, her breathing heavy. I ran my nails along her spine. I massaged her shoulders more as I started thrusting inside her. I gripped her wide hips and pumped, feeling her phat ass against me. When I started to grip her coiled hair and tug her head backward slightly, she cried out and shook once more.

I brought my pace down, smiled, stood up, and peeled the latex from my cock. She was still shaking gently and panting into the cushions when I reached for the wineglass on the floor and drained it.

Bringing ourselves up to the couch again, I coiled my arm around her waist and lay her across my lap. Her arms and head lay on the armrest of the couch as she realized what was about to come. She had already confessed to me that among her needs was to be spanked regularly, for "maintenance," so I saw no reason to let a fair opportunity like this go to waste.

I held her as we had a Time-Out moment to discuss what would be coming next. I gave her her safeword for the evening.

Once she was comfortably settled, my caresses to her bum shifted to gentle pats. Gradually, pats become slaps. Slaps became strikes. Upon one asscheek, then the other, I alternated and changed where I brought my palm to her submitting body. But knowing that she already had experience and desire in this kind of play, I didn't linger on gentility for very long. Soon, my palm was noisily striking across her seam in crisp, short strokes, and I smiled to myself as I felt it across my fingers. It had been a while.

She began to shudder again, and so my grip around her waist tightened as my other arm continued to alternate the intensity of my strikes. But this time, it wasn't an orgasm that was swelling up inside her, but tears. When the sniffling little thing was reduced to soft sobs, I gradually came to a stop.

The energy shifted. My first thought was that, like other subbies I've enjoyed back in the day at the BDSM clubs, she was of the kind to desire this sort of release. But, no. A nerve had been struck, she had been brought to a place she didn't necessarily want, and so the only thing left to do was to hold her and caress her and try to help her feel safe. Listening. Confirming the thought that, ok, this didn't go right. More listening.

This happens sometimes. And, in my experience, a healthy Top endeavors to handle it as gently as possible, as nurturingly as possible, especially with a new partner.

The silly tart hadn't used her safeword, and this elicited a strong but nurturing response from me. Lesson learned. "I need to trust that you'll alert Me when you've gone into an uncomfortable place, because I may be thinking that you're otherwise enjoying everything that's happening. I observe, I see, I'll make a call if it doesn't look like fun for you, but that doesn't mean I expect to do without your responses, baby."

Cuddles. Relaxation. Wine. Talking. Soon, we were discussing more about our shared interest in having Primary Partnership in our lives, and we each opened up about our respective backgrounds. The time went by enjoyably.

I would be spending the night. Her luxurious bed awaited us, and I smirked as I saw the Hitachi wand still tussled amongst burgundy sheets. Stripping, we slid under the duvet together and held one another.

She wanted me to read to her.

But that's another story.

And to my even later surprise, this otherwise lovely "night out for drinks" wouldn't become what it seemed like it could have been.

And that's another story too.