Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Stalked by a panther.

I met her over the weekend, when we were both attending the same event. She was with her lover and 11-year old son, and had just come back from cottage country. Maybe that's why I thought she was interesting; no make-up, the aura of the raw earth about her. She reminded me a past lover at first, and it was while I was looking at her her and asking myself this question that smiled that first smile toward me.

After the ritual event, it turned out that they had also gone to the same bar as the rest of us, my friends and I. We sat at the same table, her lover and my friends doing a lot of talking as I slowly got to know her more. She kept giving me that smile from across the table. She listened attentively as we talked about art, and how I was trying to convey to my women friends that, as a single mostly-straight male, it was hard for me to select sensual art for my bedroom without coming off as a pig to a lover whom I might bring home. I suppose, from that, she learned that I was single, and when we found ourselves next to one another, her thigh firmly pressed against mine, she opened up about her status: single with a child, but enjoying lovers. Me, single for a few months and coming out of 4-year relationship.

"Oh, so you're not looking for anything very emotional right now," she said.

"No, I replied," nodding. "New friends, yes; sex, sure, but I'm not ready for more right now."

"Sex is good," she said, smiling and nodding. "We're all adults here, and its a need," I responded.

She continued to smile and asked me what I was saying yes to. "That I'll give you my number," I said. She smirked, took it, and when it was time for everyone to go, she practically kissed me there in front of her other lover and son. We made arrangements to meet the next afternoon. "So I can see your need in the bedroom for some art," she smirked.

That day, she dropped out of work to enjoy the holiday, and called me a few hours sooner than expected. I was still doing some tidying, and was sweeping the front steps when she sauntered toward me, sexily dressed in a dark tanktop, khaki pants, and red shades.

Melissa, the Panther, is in her late 30s to early 40s, with shoulder-length light brown hair, deep rich brown eyes, and the cutest panther tattoo on her left broad shoulder, once black and now slightly faded grey. Its age tells me a story of a redhot younger woman, likely the type who hung around bikers and other delightful outcasts, now older and wiser and pleasantly on her own with her smart child. I liked her immediately.

I opened a bottle of 2004 Pelee Island Monarch Vidal. She was surprised that she liked it. By the end of the afternoon, it wouldn't be the only thing she'd be surprised that she liked.

"So what do you want to do?" she asked me with a smile, sauntering closer. "Oh, I think I know why you're here," I replied, smiling back.

"You mean, why you gave me your number?" She coiled an arm around me and gave me a slow, lingering kiss.

We held each other, embracing, for a while before I led her by the hand toward the bedroom. I pointed out the two walls, now bare after having done some post-Grrl rearranging in the room. She started to roll some hash. I poured us more wine. I wrapped my arms around her waist as she worked the paper, and for a moment I was reminded of the Grrl. I breathed deeply, trying to embrace her for who she is, and smiled to myself as she offered the spliff.

The hash didn't do much for me, but kissing her did. Her passionate zeal did. Nibbling on her neck, the soft sighs that came from her throat, did. The way she reached down to my khaki shorts to feel my thickness made me take a deep breath. When we found ourselves on the bed, she removing her tanktop, enjoying the feel of my warm hands holding her delightful medium breasts, I knew we would be having a very sensual afternoon of great sex. I was thrilled to enjoy something that I haven't seen in ages: she hadn't shaved under her arms, and this rare European treat has always been something that, with the right woman, has been a major turn-on for me.

Her heat roasted through her soaked crotch, and I could almost feel my fingers sliding into her through the material of her pants as I pet her there. Her first cum happened then, she she drenched herself completely. I was delighted.

And she was wonderful, by far the most sensual partner I've enjoyed in months. I love a woman who is up-front about what she wants and likes, and the Panther did not leave me unsatisfied. She was warm, soft, and experienced, and when she took my cock in her mouth, her moans of approval did my spirit a world of good. It had been too long since I felt my bare thickness being slurped as wantonly as she did, and while I didn't cum in her mouth, I know that she wanted that and she said as much. She loved my smoothly shaven sack, and how I looked down upon her as I tilted my hips so she could have an easier time rubbing her face, swabbing her tongue, over and under both of my eggs between licks across my shaft. She shut her eyes in ecstasy as she gently sucked one ball, then the other, into her mouth, and she feasted on my girth happily.

Her ass was generous, and she came again when she lay on her belly as I slid my fingers inside her, exploring, curling, probing. A lubricated thumb found its way into her anus as she cloyed the black satin sheets... the same black sheets from last October... and she came madly.

She was spicy, and warm, and her musk captivated me. Her pussy was just a little too furry for me to completely enjoy the nuances of her juice and its slickness on her flesh, but I wasn't complaining. She was responsive, and talked passionately about how she enjoyed the flicker of my tongue, the warmth of my mouth, the suction I gave her shaft. She cooed in surprise when I tilted my head vertically and bobbed, sucking her labia upward and downward with my lips wrapped wetly at either side. It's always a treat to discover that you're doing something new for someone.

I asked her if she was having fun. She was about to mount me, and said she would let me know. When she did, when she lowered herself on my shaft, her eyes rolled back as I held on her ass. She told me then that she was definitely having fun, that she loved my length, and that I could call her anytime I wanted to fuck her.

I liked that.

I relaxed as she ground herself onto me, spiking herself with my cock, and when I started to move in return, holding her ass as I pounded upward, she gasped in my ear.

And the afternoon continued, me taking her on her belly, bending her over the edge of the bed, spanking her afterward. It was fabulous. But it was when I told her that I wanted to take her ass that the afternoon became unique for her.

Not something she had done a lot before, she said. Not something she had ever really enjoyed but did out of "obligation" to lovers, she said. I didn't like the sound of that, but was still interested in her tightest passage. This gave me a chance to nurture an adventure for her, and I was willing to stop should she wish it... she trusted me. Teasingly, a lubed fingers explored her, and to my surprise she opened up sooner than I would have first expected. Two, then three compressed fingers would later find themselves gently probing and swirling her anus, interspersed with nurturing words, shoulder rubs, and kisses. She cooed.

When I knew the girth of my fingers had reached, or just exceeded, that of my cock, I knew she was ready. Mounting her, my calves to her thighs, she felt the tip of me and the slow, gentle slide that followed. She breathed evenly, and was completely relaxed. I was surprised, and encouraged, and soon she was feeling me pump deeper and longer. Not long after, she began to cum again and then I finally began to fuck her beginner's ass for true until I was ready to burst, withdrew, and began to explode stream after stream on her quaking, round behind.

We held each other, our shared sweat and cum wantonly covering our bodies. The cat jumped on the bed. She had to go soon, and we hit the shower together. It was delightfully sensual to do that again.

Later, as she was bent over my snake's cage to enjoy how she slithered across her cypress shavings, her bare ass in my view, I was again reminded of the Grrl. Her ass looked so similar, and yet I was also able to see the Panther for who she is. In a surreal place, my mind pictured both women, and I dropped to my knees and tilted her hips just so. Slithering my tongue as my snake would slither herself, I lapped at her folds some more as the house thrummed to the strains of the Tea Party. She didn't cum again, but it was fun, and it was a mutually enticing and saccharine moment for me.

Perhaps it isn't so bad to have a lover remind oneself of another, past, missed, lover... provided one experiences this with adult grace and awareness, celebration and respect of whom one is with. Perhaps, in a way, it's a way to heal through it while also enjoying Aphrodite's gifts.

I like the Panther. I hope to see her again.

Sunday, August 6, 2006

A tawdry sort of child's play.

Remember when you were a kid, and you looked up words like breast, penis, and buttocks in your parents' edition of Webster's Dictionary just for pre-pubescent kicks?

For some reason, this afternoon I've been throughly enjoying the illustrated images of various positions as detailed by Wikipedia. Shameless, pleasant fun. Yum!

Saturday, August 5, 2006

The Waterfall, pt 2: Alanna's Half

In our exchange, this was the portion that Alanna, or TheGyrl4u, wrote back in July 1997. There's nothing more to this story, as she wanted me to send another reply, but if I ever did, I don't remember what it was. Upon re-reading this, I suppose this ending is a little anticlimactic, but I do enjoy the memory of having done this exchange with her.

Her eyes were locked on his lean fingers as they slowly moved down the length of his shaft. By the time his fingers circled the head, she was holding her breath. She didn't even realize it until he suddenly turned and ducked back into the waterway, and she remembered the breathe again.

In one smooth motion, he then re-emerged and dove into the water, disappearing from view, swimming back into her direction. As he swam under the water's surface, she climbed on the large rock and tried to spot him. A cool breeze swept through while the hot stone warmed the bottom of her thighs.

She started to become restless, sitting there waiting for his return. A mosquito bit her calf, and she began to scratch before she found her own hand slipping under her knee to caress her skin underneath. Still, it wasn't her own fingers that she desired on her body.

She slowly arched her back, leaning backward like a large cat. Her breasts thrust forward as she rest on her elbows, waiting. And waiting.


She sat up and witnessed his head finally lift out of the water as he swam. With each stroke she watched him come closer, and her heart began to beat faster as she anticipated his arrival to the shore. She sat herself up, cross-legged, spreading her legs as she did so. She hovered a hand over her brow to shade her eyes and enjoy a better view.

Once in shallow water, his body was slowly revealed. The water ran down his chest and arms, and his hands smoothed back his hair. He closed his eyes and raised his face to the sun, pausing a moment to enjoy the warmth. Then, as he walked out of the pond, his body was slowly completely exposed to her. He looked in her direction and smiled again.

She knew that she looked relaxed to him, but he knew better. He watched her hand fidgeting, and the way she licked her suddenly dry lips. He looked away to hide a smile. Coming closer, he thought of how her skin would feel on his tongue, how she would taste, how the scent of her would fill his chest, her sweat, everything in the glade mingling into one gloriously tantalizing perfume that he would enjoy as he nuzzled her.

The prospect of running his tongue over her pulse at her neck was finally his undoing... Although he kept an eye on her face, he could feel his cock start to come alive, twitching first, then hardening more with desire. He could see her eyes as they moved downward to become locked on his hard cock, now popping with each step he took.

The Waterfall: My Half

In 1997, I was attending university and dealing with my first major breakup. Now, as I clean out things in my home after my latest major breakup, I find this.

It's a portion of an email exchange I was doing with a woman named Alanna, online as Thegyrl4u, and someone I had never actually met. I can't remember how we connected... probably via IRC... but somehow we started exchanging erotic emails in a round-robin manner. It was fun, and something I could see myself doing again should I find someone interested.

We created this together.

The warm sun slowly dried his skin as he walked closer to the beach, feeling droplets of water trickling in gentle sheets down the length of his hair, across and through the soft skin between his rear cheeks. The roar of the falls was constant, but not loud enough that he could not hear her rapid breathing as he inched closer, his toes squishing sensually in the mud. Feeling his muscles tighten, his cock began a slow swaying motion as it extended proudly from its bed of dark fur, droplets clinging to him there and sparkling in the sun.

His cock was getting big, full and harder as he anticipated the scene about to unfold before him. He smiled as he watched her remove her hiking boots and toss them into the air behind her, landing where they may in the green grass amid the trees. Her socks followed, and soon she sat crosslegged and barefoot on the warm stone, slowly removing her shirt as her eyes stayed fixed on his emerging root. Her lips parted slightly, and she licked them again.

The water splattered about his thighs as he drew closer, the white foam tickling the firm and full sack that swayed so very gently under his growing penis. His chest began to heave when the sun graced her bare skin, her lovely, pendulous breasts finally freed from their confines.

He smiled. "Hi," he said. She winked.

Strutting closer to the rock, the thickening shaft gradually vanished from her view as he rested his elbows on the stone. Resting his head on his hands, his chest grazing the rock as he stood below her, he admired her feral beauty without restraint.

They stayed like this for a short time, hearing the crashing falls and the ospreys overhead, feeling the warm summer sun on their skin, smiling to one another, building the tension. Soon, he stepped toward the rock, climbing upward until he was waist-high to her. he took her hand in his, and gazed into her eyes as he brought her palm to his mouth.

His kiss was tender, the soft beard wettening her hand as his lips explored her fingers, wrist, and forearm with grace. A soft bite on her mound of Venus, that raised muscle at the butt of her hand, and she giggled. Caressing down the length of her arm, he encouraged her to sit closer to him.

Her hand found itself on his belly as she wiggled herself over a little with a smile. Her breasts swayed slightly as she moved, her thighs sticking to the sun-kissed rock, pebbles clinging to her flesh. She reached and felt his abdomen, felt the gentle lines of hair there and the coolness of the trickled water, teasing his navel with a fingertip, and wrapped her palm around his ribcage as she leaned forward for his kiss.

His hands found the back of her head, his fingers tangling themselves in her hair as they embraced. He bent his upper chest downward slightly like a bear descending in for a prized morsel of salmon, and her head reached upward for his lips. Her skin glowed in th sun as yellow brightness shone upon her closed eyes. Teasingly, his mouth explored hers gently, his tongue only barely tracing the outline of her lips, grazing against her cheek before pulled her closer.

Pulling her closer, his kisses became more intense. She started to gasp for breath as his mouth moved from hers to explore her cheeks, her jaw, and gradually down her neck. He brought a knee to the rock to steady himself.

She could feel it casting a shadow on the stone as it hovered beside his thigh while his knee rested there. Still, she kept her eyes closed, kissing, one hand at his chest, the other at his hip, as she felt his mouth begin to nibble and lean to bite her neck.

He moaned, tasting her sweat. She cooed, tasting his freshly washed, cool skin. He groaned to himself as he smelled the earthy, healthy musk from under her arms, clean perspiration from her miles of hiking. It spice overcame him in waves of lust, and her tugged at her hair. He grew even more insistent, more passionate, as he drew her head backward, exposing more of her tender neck and raising her breasts upward.

He moved forward and set her on her back. She sighed as she felt the warmth of the suncast stone under her, smooth, strong, hot, rigid... like the penis that was clearly in her view now.

With one knee on the stone, he leaned forward more, his kisses leaving her neck and exploring the length of her body. His mouth sauntered from under her spicy arms to muscles at the underside of her breast, gently chewing the flesh as he watched her nipple grow toward the sky and harden in the sparkling light. She slowly caressed his muscular back, his ribs, his upper thigh as his mouth took the nipple in. He back arched, she gasped, and somewhere in the distance th wind shook the leaves of the trees with a rustle, a flurry of birds soaring toward the sun.

Her nipple in his soft mouth, he started to caress her belly, his fingers playing with her sexily slight paunch. Fingers began to tease the snap of her khaki hiking shorts. He knew that she would be warm there, wet, slick. After a long hike and setting up her camp, her texture there would be ripe and her scent rich and spicy too. He made a promise to himself to discover this for certain before she let herself swim with him. He wanted to taste her core.

Slowly feasting on her breast, running nails gently across her belly, he breathed slowly, relaxing and enjoying the open and wanton pleasure of hovering over of this gorgeous partner. He half-knelt on the rock beside her, a leg still in the bubbling pond, and gazed at her longingly. He was having fun, and from her smile, so was she.

He felt the warm summer air surround his genitals with the passing breeze, his cock growing thicker and harder at the sensation, blood pulsing into its silken crown and jutting high from its nest, pulsing. He brought his leg upward from the water and knelt beside her for true. His legs spread as he did so, feeling his sack stretch pleasurably, the wind against his ass, cool on his openly exposed anus as he bent to kiss her. Her hand began to slowly circle his thigh, gripping his muscles.

She sighed, feeling his hand caress her belly more and gradually tease her loins. Nails began to thrum and scratch the khaki in tandem to his bites and licks, like a cat impatient to get through the door. For a moment, he cupped her mound in his palm and she felt him grip her center.

Even through the shorts, his hand felt the moistness, the musky tension, building inside her as he feasted on her breasts in the sun. His dark locks brushed and cascaded down her chest and belly, ringlets of wet, rich hair leaving small spirals of water on her bare, perspiring skin. She shivered. His mouth was full with her breast now, his face nuzzling into her. His hand moved from her center to steady himself as he kissed and feasted.

A trout popped its head from the water with a splash. The mosquito it was after flew into the trees. The trout swam back under the fallen logs at the bank.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Scribbled memories.

In the spirit of healing transformation, I've been completely redesigning my home, and I've started in the bedroom. I'm crushed to alter the sexual energy we shared in there, but this is a necessary step, and already the room feels healthier, lighter, and ready for more lovers.

These are some li'l lovenotes that the Grrl had left around, that I found today. I still think they're pretty cool.

I wish i was naked in bed with you! :)

I long for the feel of your sexy lips on my wet pussy... oooOOoo... lick me, baby!

I love the feel of your dick in my mouth... when can I suck it again? :)

You are a wonderful, fabulous, magnificent lover! I adore you! :*

I love the way you caress, kiss, and play with my ass. Yup, I do! :)

I long, yearn, crave the feel of your cock in my mouth... yummmmm :P

Remember the shower we shared? When Steve cranked the TV? Let's do it again sometime...

My darling, so glad you're finally close enough to touch & fuck. Um, i mean, hold. :) OK. Touch, fuck & hold. Yeah. I love all of you! I love your passion as well as your huge heart. What a great package. Um, I love that too. :") Well? What are you waiting for? I'm waiting right now, to have sex with you! C'mere and FUCK ME! 8*

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The girls of summer.

The Grrl and I finalized the breakup a week or so ago, and I handled it with all the elegance and grace I could muster. She's moved back to the States. It's been more than six months now since our last session of sex, and I'm glad that it was a passionate, loving time. She was on top, a position sacred to Kali I have since learned, and there something in that which is ironic. The memory of her full breasts in my hands as she rode me, how I came as I held on her wonderful bottom, the nuances of light o her skin as we had each other for that last time, will always be with me.

But, lustful, amorous me.

Corporate Woman was travelling from the West Coast when I met her during a social event within a community we have in common. She was a talkative, slightly boastful shorthaired redhead in her upper 40s with a thick bod that reminded me of my ex-wife's. With mutual friends, we went for drinks and light fare, and it was there that I noticed her subtle moves to come on to me. She taught me, indirectly by sharing tidbits with others, how she was poly, available, and was staying at the Royal York. She smiled and winked at me from time to time.

Outside the bar and standing in the drizzling rain, I chatted with her as she awaited her cab. I asked if she was interested in some company, and to my pleasure, she smiled and told me she was.

Corporate Woman will be important to me in my sexual if not because the sex was particularly outstanding, but because she was the first woman I had been with since the emerging breakup with my beloved Grrl. I think the main reason I accepted/pursued was more because I knew I needed to get over that barrier. Besides, I enjoy elegant hotels.

I was with her for two nights that week. She really enjoyed how I gave her head, and I really enjoyed having someone beside me to sleep with those nights.

But she made me think of how she simply wasn't the Grrl.

The Li'l Earth Mother was my most recent partner; just last week. In fact, our date coincided with the same day the Grrl finished her moving plans from this city to head back south (she had been staying elsewhere). LEM and I also met at a social event, though not the same as the one I met Corporate Woman, and my first impressions was of an articulate, pro-active woman who might make a good new friend. She's in her mid-20s, and is more zoftig than is usually my preference for a lover, but I find myself going there from time to time anyway for some reason.

We chatted over email, and while I was (and am, see below) dating someone we both know, it was clear that she'd be interested in pursuing something. We met for dinner, and there was little mystery about what we might do because she had already expressed interest in "shagging on Saturday." She was more forward than I'm normally used to, and while it took me by surprise sometimes, I also enjoyed it. I really like it when a lover makes the first, and explicit, move.

But, again, for me, the sex wasn't as hot as I hoped it could have been. I hardened instantly at her kisses, which were sensual and moist, and when she gave me (protected) head, I could easily tell that this was a woman who loved to have cock in her mouth. She especially enjoyed it when I thrust myself into her mouth gently, and told me with doe-eyes how no one had ever done that to her before and how she really liked it.

What we did was limited for safer-sex's sake, although time with her was the most sensual that I've enjoyed in months. It was also the first time I had sex with someone in what was our, now only my, bed. That's barrier Number Two. But maybe it was because protected blowjobs really don't do it for me at all, or maybe it's because, in the end, zoftig women really don't do it for me most of the time, but while I enjoyed her company it just wasn't great.

And she made me think of how she simply wasn't the Grrl.

For the last few weeks, I've been dating the Tomboy. She in her 30s, located me through an Internet service, and after some initial emails, we met. I was entranced by her courage to show herself to me as she was most comfortable: jeans and Tshirt, herself hanging in a tree as I drove to her home. Her sparkling eyes and her short hair captured my attention: definitely my type.

I wasn't expecting much more than a coffee/beer meet, but by the end of the night, we had hit it off so splendidly that we were in one another's arms and spent the next four days together. We seem to have a few important things in common, and I'm enjoying getting to know her.

But... and yes, even here, there is a "but"... Tomboy isn't a sensual person at all, and so far the sex is very mechanical and extremely limited. She's doesn't suck cock, she doesn't like to be spanked, she doesn't express herself with passionate moan or cloying grip. She's attractive, she's smart, she's great to cuddle with, she's really fit, but she simply isn't passionate or sensitive or feline.

I'm going to keep seeing her for a few reasons, mostly nonsexual ones. Sexually though, she does have an interest in backdoor play in her favour, and her experience is limited there. Being the man to introduce a lover to enjoying cock in her ass is always a respect-worthy treat and privilege. And I'm enjoying trying to nurture her, encourage her to relax more and enjoy things. I won't pressure about blowjobs... no, no, bad juju, let her go there if and when she feels she wants to... but I'm already doing what I can to encourage what inner panther may be there.

And, yes, even she makes me think of how she simply isn't the Grrl. I'll deal.

I miss my Grrl. I crave for her. For soul, my sexual self, aches in her absence, and yearns with each photograph of her I see. When I saw her recently, I couldn't help but appreciate how she looks now, as we've both lost a lot of weight these last few months. She's kept her larger breasts, making her a 36C or so, and her bottom has slimmed out nicely. I'd kill to see her nude again. I love and miss her so much.

She's exploring her bisexuality these days, and tells me she has many offers from lovely women to consider, and how in her life now she'll likely pursue multiple secondary partners without a primary one. I spend a lot of time thinking about who she's with, what she's doing, actually. There are at least two men in her world now, including the aforementioned one I have hated for going on 15 years, and the other whom I like and have known about for as long as she and I were together.

But, I suppose, what I really need to do is to stop ruminating about it all. Maybe, if I'm lucky, the Gods will have us in each other's arms again one night as companionable ex's. I'd like that. I dream of it.

If and until then, I date the Tomboy, who is also dating others, and perhaps I'll date others too. I'm empowering myself to face this undesired singlehood, and am really doing objectively ok if subjectively off focus. I'm not a weak man; it's just my love and lust for Grrl runs deeper than I imagined. But, hey, what can I do.

I really need a sensual, wet, passionately enjoyable blowjob these days.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

An old email from she who was my Grrl.

Anywho, last night i found myself stuck in someone else's house, brimming with sexual tension and creative energy. But also very tired. So i gave up, surrendered to the situation, and decided to distract myself. I poured myself some Bailey's on-the-rocks (yum!), heated up some frozen Indian food, and let a book and the cats keep me company. I flipped on the TV at 8p to discover a key Buffy episode that i had missed. Why not? i sat down and enjoyed that for awhile. Then i went down to the basement where i've set up some me space in this foreign house.

I've gotten pretty good at turning any place into Home. It's a trick i learned from my days in the SCA (i've a vague recollection that ur familiar with that), and refined during my adventures in homelessness. For awhile, i took my gypsy persona quite to heart, finding a great deal in that culture to enrich my life. Back to the house. Well, i customized a portion of their just-functional, carpeted basement gypsy-style. First by hanging tapestries and draping colorful scarves over a few things. And then covering part of the floor with blankets, furs, towels and pillows. And of course a small stereo and tunes. Home away from home. :)

It took me a little while to find the bag with my special toyz, ;) but i made sure they were clean and ready. Just in case. I knew i wanted to meditate and write in my journal, but also wanted to be prepared for whatever might cum up. I use "meditation" to describe a frame of mind i seek to reach thru many different means, from sitting zazen, taking a shower, working w energy (QG, reiki, tantra, my own style), playing video games (tho i'm not particularly good at them), and self-pleasure... It was an energy night.

I started relaxing and letting go, breathing to raise kundalini. I'm not sure how long i sat there, before i felt a soft, gentle cat tail brush across my bare arm. It was the calico mommy cat, the epitome of feline finesse. I let the smile in my heart reach out to her, and she responded with more feline affection. I felt her head gently brush against my knee that was peeking out from the sarong. It reminded me of a lover's touch, and brought to mind your description of finding me in the cabin just out of the shower. I could feel the kundalini building, and my imagination wanted free reign. since i wasn't sure how much more time i had to myself, i left my toyz in their bag and took myself up to the shower.

And i thot of you watching me in the shower, and took my time. Caressing my body as if i was my own lover, gently, slowly, gracefully. I took my time with my arms, over my shoulders and down to my breasts, spending a little extra time there, enjoying the smooth feel of the lavender lather on my skin, and the electricity of touch on my breast and nipples. I lingered over my breasts, letting you see different profiles, playing with my nipples to make sure they'd be seen in silhouette. I ran my hands down my hips, caressing and soaping the cheeks and clef. Then slid my hands down my legs to my feet. First i lathered up one foot, sensuously making my way back up my legs. Then i gave the other leg the same attention. The thot of you watching was very exciting! Finally, i'd made my way to the part of me that had been burning for touch since i was in the basement. I lathered up between my legs, looking for the position that would give you the best view. Finding it, i stopped thinking and gave myself over to the pleasure of it all. The hot water was cascading gently over my body, the misty air was scented with a light touch of lavender, fingers were caressing the most sensitive parts of my body. It didn't take much at all by this time, but i held off as long as i could. my back was arched against the wall, one leg was up on the edge of the tub, and my fingers were fondling my clit, taking me over the edge in pleasure, releasing the kundalini...

I relaxed just as i was for a few moments, enjoying the many sensations in my body. In my minds eye, i saw you naked outside the shower, touching yourself in ways i'd like to be you, ideally shortly after the shower. I finished the last details of my shower, including a touch-up shave in places where i'd like to feel your lips. When i pulled open the shower curtain, the relative coolness tingled against my skin, and could feel my body responding. Thinking of u watching, i gave a quick pinch to my nipples to show them off to you.

The rest of the night was not nearly so much fun, so i'll spare u the details. hehehe :) I was able to get to bed very shortly after my shower and fell asleep alone.

Pleasant dreams!

I remain so in love with her.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Serendipidous spankings.

Like so many other weekends since February, much of last weekend was spent with me trying to distract myself at how deeply I miss The Grrl. The Fates were kind however as I strolled along Queen West in Toronto and encountered some friends entering Funhaus.

I didn't realize that it was a playparty night, with Fetish Masquerade's Pajama event taking place. It turned out to be the most sensual evening I've enjoyed in months.

I ensconced myself in the ambience, enjoying the various scenes happening around me. I remembered our last scene together, where I bound her to a chair in our livingroom, toyed with her mercilessly, the evening ending with her mouth noisily slurping on my cock.

The Pajama Party was, for me, a buffet of voyeuristic abandon as I enjoyed watching the Slutty Nerd (or should it be Nerdy Slut?), my friend's girlfriend, enjoy another Top partner. I smiled as she flashed her breasts and later stripped to virtually nothing as she was bound to the cross. I miss crosses... Much later that night, I smirked to myself as I chatted with her boyfriend, my friend, as she mounted her Top partner on a couch and enjoyed a slow fuck. Her deliciously heart-shaped bottom was resplendent in the fishnet body stocking she wore, making a sensual contrast to her librarian looks.

Earlier, while passing the bars, I smirked just as widely as I beheld a couple on the loveseat, she laying on her back, legs splayed upon his lap, his arm movement telling of the vigourous hand fucking her was giving her. He stopped when he saw others approach nearby, but her passion was clear as she sat herself up and spilled herself upon his shoulder, breathing deeply. Nice.

And who would have guessed that the Fates had a playpartner for me as well? A casual remark to the Quebecois, a curvy blonde in lovely business attire, elicited a welcome response, and soon she was splayed over a metal chair that I absconded from the pool table area. It hasn't been since my days in the New York clubs since I was able to casually find a scene partner in a club, and I relished the opportunity to spank my first bottom in months. Her black teddy and thong accentuated her form, and as I sat behind her bare ass, I easily found myself shifting back into my Top space. Her bottom was round and pert, eager to be consentually abused. Yummy. I had the Quebecois laughing, hissing, squirming, alternating my spanks with caresses, my pinches with massage, and it was a pleasure. At the end of the evening, her kiss goodbye was a welcome present.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Having been blown out, the candle is still as match hovers above striker.

It's been three months since my last post. A lot has changed.

It seems that the Grrl and I are apart now. This is a terrible thing because the Grrl is a truly amazing partner, friend, and lover for me, and I still deeply crave her presence in my world.

For myself, I'm trying to accept this idea of being single again. This journal has always been about sex. It's challenging for me to write about sex right now because, right now it seems less enjoyable to do so. This journal was originally intended as a way for me to express the sexuality that she and I shared together, and it's going to take a moment before I get used to the idea of using it to express my own sexuality without her around me.

But I'll persevere, and in the big picture, everything will be fine. Those of you who have been reading faithfully, from you I ask for your indulgence. Thanx.

Saturday, February 4, 2006

It sends waves of pleasure to the back of my brain.

I just love the scent of the Grrl upon her clothes. Her jeans, her panties. Mmmmmm.

She's taking a trip. Possibly a very long trip. I'm missing her deeply already. Her touch, her warmth, her contented sighs and smiling groans have long been sustenance to my spirit. One never truly knows what one has until it's all placed at risk.

Things with my beloved Grrl may be over. If so, I know she will be remembered for many things, wonderful and challenging, but also for the sensually rewarding vistas that she introduced to me, and me to her. I will love her always.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Karma is karma.

Plans to have attended a polyamory conference in the States this week fell through. It also appears that the Grrl and I will be apart for a while, perhaps a significant while, and so Valentine's has probably fallen through as well.

I'm looking forward to positive possibilities, but sometimes relationships can be like outgoing and incoming tides. All relationships require effort, and we're apparently in a space to be doing that right now.

As this journal is almost exclusively devoted to sex, it'll likely be quiet here for a while. Maybe not silent, but definitely quiet. Even if any kind of sexuality were to occur by either or both of us during this interim (he typed, reminding himself to be realistic, somewhat hoping he needn't have to be...), this is intended to be a sex-positive space, and I suspect that a lot of discourse here on my part would just end up being sex-negative while we're embracing this outgoing tide. Even if this journal has been my own private space, it was created partially as a way to enhance the relationship I have with the Grrl, and I suspect that to continue here during this challenging moment would just be, well, without class.