Monday, July 28, 2008

Before stepping forward, one kiss to Shayne.

Hello, baby.

I want you to know that I love you.

You come here from time to time. I'm glad. There's something I wanted to say, and I wanted to do it before these hot and randy people (like us) who've enjoyed reading about the pleasures we had shared. I wanted to say this here because you have a unique position (two, really) in that you alone, to date, are a lover who reads this blog.

When I started this three years ago, it was a way for me for rekindle my Top headspace when The Grrl and I were together, when she was encouraging that in me after my ruined marriage had tempered it. This blog began as a way to enhance what she and I had, and that's why after she and I broke up, this blog became silent for more than a year.

My life went on, and eventually I encountered you. I still remember how you took my breath away when I saw your "fancy" picture. Do you remember our first posts through that dating site? Do you remember the delicious way the energy in them shifted when I scolded you, daring you, threatening you with a spanking? Even from afar I thought I could feel the sudden tightness in your chest as you read those words. I think that was when my heart really began to sing out toward you.

And then, to my surprise, I told you about this. We had been enjoying intense and imaginative phonesex then, and I was delighted as I learned more about your sexuality, your openness, your womanhood. Your openness was so great that I sensed you would enjoy reading this, and so I shared. It thrilled me when you said how this blog enticed you, turned you on. After letting it go dormant, you became an inspiration for me continue it. In time, and for a while, I almost felt that we were a team as I shared some of our exploits and you would remark "anonymously."

"You are my favorite rogue. You walk lightly on heavy boots. You tread delicately over sacred, yet unfamiliar earth. You embrace it all, from irritance to complexity. You fear only conformity and betrayal. You are a smart one. You try to learn from every moment and succeed in learning. You give me the benefit of your lessons learned freely and patiently. You whisper beauty."

You told me once that, having read through the archives, you were jealous of the love my posts had demonstrated for The Grrl. I listened, smiling to myself because I loved you now. So, with things having since altered between us, I want you to know that now you and she have that in common. Further, in your own ways, both of you can rightly be called my Muses because both of you are Her daughters who have brought me to this place. Any regular reader who enjoys this blog has you to thank. I know I do, and for so many gifts.

Perhaps, in some way, I've returned the favour to you as you begin sharing your pleasurable Strawberry exploits on your own blog. You write well. I would have enjoyed collaborating with you.

I do miss giving your body, and your spirit, pleasure. It's been six weeks since we were last together, since we last felt and loved one another, since we ended. Rather than the textmessages that came later, I prefer to remember the parting we shared as we stood on the corner of Ontario and St. Clair, just before I kissed and hugged you, turning aside for a cab. We both have had some dates since then. I haven't known a lover since; perhaps you have.

But things are moving forward for me, as I expect they are with you, and it's looking possible that I'll know a new lover's arms in the near future. Before I proceed, I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge all of this, you, and what you have done for me. It feels a little weird, and that can only be because, for me, you had stopped being "just" a lover and had started to become a partner.

I would have liked to nurture that chance for partnership between us, the blessing in that seed. You remain in my heart, my mind, in my passions, and I know you already know that given the opportunity, I could still enjoy that pursuit with you.

What higher praise could I offer someone who has known me so intimately?

This blog will eventually reflect what directions I may move forward into. Since our break, posts have focused on past events, playful entries, photo essays and the like. Eventually, I'll write about experiences in the "present tense" again. Though I'm moving forward, and though this blog will eventually reflect that, I'm writing this now because I want you to also know how special you are to me and will remain.

I want you to be shamelessly happy, baby. I will envy those who will come to possess your touch, for I miss it and remember how you craved my own. I want you to drink deeply from love and passion's cup, and to have a beautiful, fulfilling life. You know how deeply, dearly I hope to still be a part of your life, but no matter what happens by will or Fate or passage of Time, please know that you have touched me as richly as you have told me I have touched you, and that the thought of you will come to me with every future caress I may receive. At the very worst, I still regard you as my Friend, and one of my best.

I could have seen myself betrothed to you, Pixie.

I want you to know that I love you. There is, still, birdsong inside the egg. Namaste.

5 comments:

curiousgirl said...

that was a beautiful post, r...i could feel your love for her and it was heartening...move forward in peace...

cg

Rogue said...

Thank you.

Tink said...

Magnificent post! Very well written and felt like a past lover speaking directly to me. She must have been very special for you.

Rogue said...

Tink ~
She is, yes. Thank you.

Rogue said...

postscript

I'm glad you called last night.