Hot Reads: Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies by Jay Wiseman

I've lowered her cotton pyjama pants and pleated panties around her knees, and have been thoroughly enjoying Sweethart's tender derriere across my lap. What a fantastic ass. She yelps so nicely as I spank her, but she catches me unprepared when she suddenly whimpers, "Please, no marks, sir," between her sniffles. It's a little late to be informing me of a boundary like that (virtually guaranteeing a future punishment session), but the damage is done. Is there a topical ointment to help reduce those embarassing welts and bruises for when she's in the girls' lockerroom Friday morning?

She's been moaning for more all night and the motel bed is a mess of rustled sheets. I sit on the floor behind Swingerwife, probing her beautiful anus with a thin purple vibrator as she's bent over the bed. Suddenly, in a hungry moment for even more, she thrusts her gorgeous bottom backward just as I'm sliding the vibe a little deeper and sschllp it vanishes! Oopsie!

I have her just where I want her. Wearing my non-latex gloves, I'm liberally soaking my hands in lube as Ms. Inconspicuous hangs languidly from the full suspension harness, blindfolded, her labia glistening and eager. Before my chest, she sways slowly in the rigging as I prepare to probe her and ready her magnificent pussy for a long, slow session of gentle fisting. I nudge her warm thighs apart with my elbows and step closer when kkraaak the main eyebolt breaks free of the beams and she crashes to the floor! Ruh ro.

Part of Greenery Press' "Toybag Guide" series, BDSM educator Jay Wiseman responds to these and many more potential safety and awareness issues in Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies. Wiseman, an EMT and firefighter, brings both his professional and bondage expertise to cogently explain to experienced practitioners how to handle unpleasant (and sometimes dangerous) situations. Does a bite from a partner pose any health risks, and what are some effective ways to reduce risk? Why would a prepared Top want to keep a bottle of chewable kiddie aspirin in his or her toybag? Is coldness of the fingertips an effective gauge for healthy blood circulation during bondage play?

But in addition to potential medical emergencies, Wiseman also presents level-headed guidelines for handling crises of emotional and social natures, making his work applicable to everyone engaging in sex-positive relationships of any kind, and not to BDSM kinksters alone. What can you do when a partner has overstepped your personal boundaries? How might you handle an emotional confrontation when in a sensitive space? What ways, in addition to using safewords, can an adventurous person preserve personal safety, especially with partners one may have just met? How might you best handle matters when your loud playparty becomes of interest to the passing police cruiser?

For BDSMers, playparty enthusiasts, and sexually adventurous people in general, Wiseman has prepared a practical and useful resource to have on our bedroom bookshelves. Read it, keep it handy, create a playspace first-aid kit of your own, and refer to this book often. Because unless you have some hardcore doctor fantasies, no one really wants to go to the emergency room with a purple vibrator in their ass.


images Greenery Press, Doctor Tushy

Saturday night at the movies.

Photo Essay: Craigslist courtesans of Chicago.

HNT dans le cuir.

The crazy whirlwind of desire.

i haven't been explicit about much of his visit. i did jokingly think to myself about sending a text message, or posting a cryptic myspace bulletin that said, "i've come up for air to let you know i'm going back down, happily, and will resume regular scheduling on monday." it was a 4-day skip through decadence, ecstasy, and expanse. in the 2+ hours of coitus that occurred every morning. in the way we both knew relief, after a tense moment of getting to know one another, and the way it spread our hearts. in the ways i can know myself better by making new friends and welcoming new lovers. in teaching me acceptance and some grace.
Shayne, in her blog. September 2007.



Interested in the love story, some of you have been kindly emailing to ask how things have been developing between Shayne and me. So here's the scoop.

We've been talking over the last two months or so, and its been both healthy and heartbreaking, sometimes with some regret, sometimes with some pleasure. Last Tuesday, she asked me how soon I could be in her city again, but I kept calm and suggested we talk about it more. Within another day or two, she was asking for distance. She's been struggling with her heart, and I've been staying positive, patient, supportive, and as nurturing as I can while also being honest with my own heart. She's become very important to me, and reminded me of what real love felt like again.

Shayne: I still miss coming home to you. I liked that dream. I think I am coming to a new kind of acceptance. One I can't yet name.

Me: My heart is both full of you and broken by you. I miss you horribly. All else is vacant when I think of you. Youre so gone (or are you?) and I'm so sad.

Shayne: You echo my heart exactly. The pain comes, for me, in not wanting this to be the outcome.

We found ourselves saying goodbye. Goodbye, at least, to the love affair in our love affair, and at least for the forseeable future, if ever again. It's not always easy to be fully certain about things when it comes to Shayne, but she's healing and needing to heal more. There's good reason for growth and development for us both. But I still hate it.

Me: I want you.

This was supposed to have been the summer when we went camping. Instead, for both of us, it's been a summer of recovery. I still feel as though we'd barely scratched the surface with bondage play, and we had great energy there. I never got to take her to a playparty, and only once did we play with her wearing the outstanding and authentic schoolgirl uniform that I bought for her. She had her first threesome with me and her then-girlfriend, Annie. I'll miss the hysterical repartee we enjoyed when we both affected 40's Brooklyn accents... what great roleplay material that could have been: she in her pink dress, me in a wifebeater.

Shayne: In some ways, and in the future, i may be able to share myself with you.

Me: I love you. I want you to be happy. I know you want to pursue options. You deserve to. I may also someday, tho as I said, its vacant without you. Part of me hopes he comes up lacking in some way, despite my desire for your happiness. I will be here when the new boys fuck up.

Telling her that I wanted her to be happy reminded me of the moment when, in my kitchen, I said the same thing to the Grrl. As true as it is, it didn't hurt much less this time than it did then.

Shayne: You know what? I do love you. I've spent most of my summer in some kind of recovery and life's got to go on. I hope the same for you. I want you to be happy too.

We're going to talk more soon. We may make plans to see each other. But new perspectives would be healthy.

She's dated a few women. There's the Craigslist guy who pays to spank her, and possibly more. Her figurative black book has one or two other names, and she's recently begun dating a new guy who apparently has her feeling "rosy and aroused."

Me, there's still Connie. We've hardly seen each other lately, and I'm tepid about it thus far. Yet, there's a lot about dating Connie that could be very good for me. Molly enjoys playing, and she would probably be thrilled to have more from me, but there are other issues concerning her that keep me restrained from wanting to contact her often. I'm still working that one out. Kay is hot and yummy, and we've been talking about meeting, but she's also sveral hundred miles away and a happily married swinger. Erin, an old friend, just very recently expressed interest in having fun with me, and while she's slightly larger than I'd normally be attracted to, we've been friends for so long and her spirit is so cool I suspect that casual sex with her would be a riot.

But as much as I value these women and adore their company, none of them are Shayne. None of them are likely to be with me beyond the friendship and the sexplay, to avenues of real-life longer-term partnership that could have been possible with her. Shayne was on the very cusp of dropping her world and moving in with me when things went wrong, and I doubt that another opportunity for that kind of connection will come again for me anytime soon.


So I'm going to take a brief respite. I have an HNT coming, but I think it'll be at least until after the rest of the week before I write more. I don't have any dates lined up until Labour Day anyway.

I need to find the reasons why this is ok. I need to make my peace.

I love you, Shayne.

Sunday morning at the diner.

Two eggs easy over, potatoes, sausage, rye toast. A newspaper. Coffee. There is a God.

I'm enjoying breakfast at a local greasy spoon recently when Kay, my sexy new internet friend, texts me. The last time we texted one another, she sent me some images of herself in some yummy red panties, a nice between-the-thighs view, and begged to see my cock. "Show me," she asked.

"Holy fucking shit. I'm wet," she replied. "Dude, that looks awfully edible." I wouldn't mind giving her a taste some day.

Kay: Good morning, Rogue! I was sexually frustrated last night.

Me: Would have loved to help you out! ;)

Kay: You did.

Me: :) Tell me how. In detail. Please.

Kay: Lets just say you were on my mind when I was 'jilling' myself last night. You and your cock, that is. :)

Me: Mm. Then get over here. Kiss me deeply, Kay, then drop to your knees. Watch me slowly unbuckle. Watch me reach in and hoist out my girth. Press close. Smell me.

Kay: Nice. Very erotic. And so perceptive too. Being on my knees in front of a man, sucking his cock, it really gets me very hot.

Me: How would you suck me, Kay?

Kay: Mm, teasing the head at first, then swallowing your entire length. Licking and teasing your balls. Sucking you mindless, till you are fucking my mouth. Till u cum.

Me: Meow. But I take a good while to cum... you think you could enjoy that?

Kay: If I get bored or tired, we change it up. Maybe I'll have you fuck me from behind and let you cum on my ass and back. What do you want, sir?

Me: After a sensual, warm kiss, you to your knees slowly as I undo my jeans. Watch my cockhead spring up from poked denim. Brush its wide, spongy tip on your soft cheek. Rub your nose and mouth to my warm, clean, shaven, full balls. Taste them. Then taste my girth. Suck it. Suck it deep. Make me shine with your saliva. Slurp. Enjoy me. Nurse on me as I touch your wet face, my scent in your skin. In time, lay on your belly, look over your shoulder to me, raise and part your ass. Show me all of you. Reach under. Please your pussy as I caress you and slowly fill you with my wet, throbbing cock. Feel my balls on your eager fingers. Submit to me. Be taken. Feel me swell and feel me release, splashing my potency in the babysoft cleft of your lovely ass.

Kay: And now you have rendered me speechless. And I'm wet.



images Linhphan's Flickr, Vacuum 500, personal collection

Saturday night at the movies.

I'd say that former "bathing beauty" Sally Eilers (Sailor's Luck) was particularly spankable. Something about the smile.

Madeline goes for a ride.

Yo, so's, ahm doin' my ting, ya know, cruisin' down da intastate when's I pulls inta dis roadside burger joint near da construction site. You know, da one where's Johnny Bags accidentally met his untimely fate wit a crowbar? Yeah. Poor fuckin guy what canya do. But whatevah.

So's, ahm mowing on dis burger whens I sees dat ass. Like, whoah. Dat ass on dat Miss Glass, baby. Holyfuckenshit. I mean, dat ass was ta muthfuckin die for, youknowwattamean? So, yo, natch I gives her da wolfwhistle from outta my truck. ...Hey, whatthefuck, it woiked fer my fadda, it woiked fer your fadda, so fuck it, right?

And, check this out, she fuckin comes over and sez how she's all inta "what men do" and how "sexy boys wit trouser tents" makes her wanna "hop inta their cahrs and go for a ride!" Muthafuck! I didn't even fuckin do nuthin yet but whistle to da chick, and den she fuckin sez she wants to see my fuckin Fleshbot fer chrissake. Fuck.

So, yeah, I took her down to the overlook an' banged her hard and good for a few hours. Fuckin dame was tight, lemme tells ya. Fuggedabotit.

It was so good, I bet she writes abot me on da mutherfuckin intranets. Yeah.

Rogue for 2009 Hot Male Blogger Calendar beefcake.

Well, this was a fun surprise.

It's been brought to my attention that one delicious, naughty vixen among you has nominated me to appear in Jane and Sarah's 2009 Hot Male Blogger Calendar project. What can I say? Wow. Cool. Thank you.

Not to be outdone by a certain popular men's magazine, pro-active bloggers Jane and Sarah have begun the daunting, voyeuristic, so challenging task of celebrating your favourite hot female and male bloggers for their project. Theirs must be a tough job, I tell you.

Support my nomination! Send me to the finals!

I'm facing some, uh, stiff competition, so to speak, and nominations close midnight (EST), Monday, August 25 (that's Sunday night). Finalists are announced then, and a second round of voting commences next week until Monday, September 1. Selected hot bloggers attend a photo shoot in New York City (home sweet home!), and the calendars become available in November.

Thank you. Sweet.

image Oh La La

Olympic HNT with flag of Tibet.

A mess in my kitchen.

The colours were bursting out before me. To my side, the 2005 Vinha do Monte was breathing casually, and as I held the same wooden spoon that had graced so many women's tender bottoms, the chopped red peppers and thick slices of yellow squash tumbled in the steaming wok. I love to cook.

I spanked Mary Quite Contrary in secret with this spoon in a hotel room in Boston. I spanked Diva with it in the same week. I've spanked Heidi, the Grrl, Shayne, and several other wayward, wanton tarts with this spoon. It's a good spoon, and it always makes them squeal.

The onions were carmelizing nicely, and the button mushrooms were rolling and bouncing like marbles. The pungent diced garlic hissed as I added liberal splashes of tamari sauce and a shameless dab of fresh butter. The wine and these vegetables would make a fine compliment to the thick provolone cheeseburgers that I'd be barbecuing on the back patio.

Molly was back in town. I'd known Molly for a few years before we started becoming fuckbuddies on rare occaision, although we began as associates through the same spiritual community. Molly is a mid20s, perpetually unemployed, rubenesque longhaired brunette with a frighteningly cheerful disposition, career singer aspirations, and a penchant for having ejaculatory orgasms when sucking dick. Molly squirts, one of the precious few women I've known who accomplishes this feat of womanly nature almost as easily as I open wine bottles. Since last winter, she'd been travelling the continent in a Hyundai with some lover who had since trekked on to Switzerland, and as I cooked the veggies, she told me all about her two weeks in Mexico by way of New Orleans. We discussed the rain in Maryland, her zip through San Francisco, her excursion in New York, the horrific glass outlook over part of the Grand Canyon. We sipped the taste of Portugal as we talked.

She sat at my kitchen table and I stood over the stove. Turning and leaning in, I gently cupped and squeezed her left breast gently as I brought my lips to hers. She groaned slightly, closing her eyes, and although her kiss felt timid, it was nice to share. Her breast was large and firm in my hand, and I started to stiffen in my khaki shorts. I turned the flame under the wok off.

I had thought things might wait until after dinner, but she seemed eager. I kept enjoying her breasts as we kissed, and she started to paw at my crotch when my cock began to tent my shorts upward, the cotton brushing my cockhead with torment. She wrapped her fingertips around the bulging, covered head and squeezed, making my eyes roll back. Her kisses became more insistent as she tugged and pawed my dick over my clothes.

I stood up straight. I ran a hand through her black locks. She undid my zipper. She reached in. She looked up and into my eyes as she slowly withdrew me from my confines. Her hand was warm.

Sunlight streamed through the ivy plants on the windowsill, and the kitchen smelled like roasted garlic, as she tilted her head down slightly and started brushing her wet lips across my cockhead. I could feel the wine. I was growing thicker, harder, longer as she clutched the base of me and opened her mouth. She made muffled moans as she took my soft, taut skin past her willing lips and across a flicking, searching tongue. Then she closed her mouth over me, closed her eyes tightly, breathed deep through her nose, and with a look of satisfied determination, started sucking my cock. I took off my shirt and tossed it aside. My shorts hung around my thighs.

My head shot back and I growled. I felt my pulse quicken as Molly's ministrations could be felt deeply into my stomach. As her tongue swabbed the underside of my glans, my breathing became laboured and I lost myself in the sensual naughtiness of her wet, coiling tongue.

Soon, Molly pushed herself away from the edge of the table, and shoved the chair she had been sitting on to one side. Dropping to her knees, she readied herself for some intense sucking in my kitchen. Her hand made its way around my shaft, and she stroked me slowly as my cockhead received attention by her open mouth. Her cheeks crested in as she sucked, and I could feel the hollow as the insides of her cheeks grazed my head and shaft. Her suction was light, but she more than made up for it with her snaking tonge and eager resolve.

"Tell me what you're enjoying about my cock," I breathed down to her. She had been looking up to me, her dark eyes smiling over her mouthful of thick dick. Her cheeks were wet with spit, seething with the scent of my wet and clean cock on her face.

"I happen to just love cock," she replied with a shrug and a smile. "And this one is attached to a particularly nice guy."

I withdrew from her mouth and started tapping it on her cheeks. She closed her eyes, parted her lips, and snaked the tip of her tongue across them to taste me when I grazed her there.

"You like the scent of my wet cock all over your face, don't you?" Her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

The base of my shaft met her tongue, my full balls at her chin, the head of me tapping just below her left eye. I wrapped a hand around her head then, and gently tugged her mouth back toward me, beckoning her to suck me more. She complied happily until I was ready to change things again.

Stuffing my cock back into my shorts, I reached under her arms and pulled her up. With a resolved intention, I placed the palms of her hands on the kitchen table, stood behind her, and began to undo the belt at her jeans. Her shirt and bra were removed and set aside. Pausing for a moment to squeeze her young breasts as I noshed on her shoulder, she started panting when my hands lowered again to undo the button and zipper to her pants.

I coiled an arm around her waist, tugged her toward me, and pushed her head to the table. I lowered her pants and slowly bared her plump ass to my eye. A few tender smacks later, and her jeans were being tugged down her legs until she stepped her right foot out of them. She splayed her legs wide, the jeans left in an undignified, crumpled heap around her left ankle.

I sat down on the kitchen floor, her ass directly in front of my face. She was bent over, legs far apart, head to the table... such a wonderfully submissive posture. Her weight was displaced by her widely spread legs just awkwardly enough that she needed me to steady her, else one sock-covered foot would slide away. Nice.

I began a slow series of smacks on her ass that had her yelping quietly. I smiled wickedly to myself as I enjoyed the way her flesh responded to my tender spanks.

Licking my fingertips, I pressed them gently against her completely shaven mound, feeling her soft, pillowy outer labia eagerly meet my probing fingers. Swirling the tips of three fingers against her, I rotated her soft skin around the hood of her tiny clit, sending her into panting gyrations. She was soaked, and I could easily smell her heat as I sat casually on the floor behind her. I began probing the entrance to her wet tunnel, circling her outermost rim with a finger.

Sliding one, then two, into her body, I sought and easily found that spongy, interior mound that I was looking for. My fingers crooked just right, I pressed them against her g-spot and held them there as she swayed slightly in ecstacy. Once I began thrusting my fingertips gently, grazing and petting that happy place, Molly reminded me of one of her unique and enviable gifts.

Her back arched, and I could imagine her eyes screwed tight on her face, her mouth wide open as she started gasping loudly. Her ass tilted, her legs began shaking, and the first rapid droplets of grrlcum began spouting from her urethra. This first streamlet rained down to my shorts, staining them dark as if I had just walked past an occupied shower stall, and then she continued.

My fingers probing her gently and slowly, her asscheek in my other hand, Molly began cumming in several thin and pungent streams that squirted from her in waves and pulses. I shifted myself to one side, still sitting on the floor, as Molly literally began making a large puddle before me as she violently came. I laughed and marveled, continuing to jill her until she was shaking and spent.

"Look at what you did! Look at it!" I shouted to her in feigned anger when I stood up, pointing to the floor. "I just mopped this floor, and will you look at the mess you made?!"

She burst laughing, and feigned an apology. I, however, would not be detered from exacting a just revenge, and promptly set myself against the table and faced the other direction, my arm around her waist to hold her firmly. The ensuing barrage of openhanded smacks and spanks to her rubenesque behind left her cheeks swollen and blushing red, and Molly gasped and cried out satisfyingly after each one was delivered.

images Kate F, Girl Reporter, Totally Brunette, Real Squirt

Kay likes to play doctor.

I "met" Kay through the internet. She's a married, mid30s, light brunette swinger with, I've discovered, a deliciously randy appetite that doesn't get nearly enough to nosh on. We got to corresponding about mutually shared interests, and gradually its developed into an erotic comradeship as we found how much we had in common. Earlier this month, we were texting each other while I was home from work and she was in her office. It was a very hot afternoon, and I was naked and relaxing.

Me: It sucks to be both exhausted and horny.

Kay: Wish I could assist in the horny part... ;)

Me: ...Thatd be nice. I want to hear your voice too. And your cum. [I take and send a picture of my bare chest.]

Kay: Nice, Rogue. [She takes and sends a picture of her buxom chest, clad in her business attire.] My, I am feeling rather horny myself today! I wonder why?

Me: They look friendly. ;)

Kay: They are friendly. For the right person! ;) Do tell: why so horny today?

Me: Cuz talking w you is hot. That and needing a long, wet, noisy suck.

Kay: You are turned on from talking with me? We haven't even really begun to get down and dirty with each other! You are quite intriguing, Rogue.

Me: Its still fun - feels naughty and I love the context how we've 'met.'

Kay: Yes, our circumstances in meeting have definitely a certain appeal. I must admit to you that being able to associate a voice with the man is tempting me.

Me: There's a remedy for this. Shall I play doctor?

Kay: Paging Doctor Rogue, paging Doctor Rogue. Seriously, I will have some alone time this evening. You game?

Me: Im game. A quikie hello?

Kay: I'm at work, so it would need to be very quick...


I call her and we chat for the first time. We talk about previous, G-rated pics of each other we had shared, and this prompts a short discussion about how so many guys on the internet seem to send their cockpics to women at the drop of a hat. Kay agrees. I mention that I normally don't do that... but would be glad to for someone I liked and who actually asked. Topics move from there, we hang up. Shortly after, Kay texts me again.


Kay: Oh, good God. Your voice gave me butterflies. Big time. Your voice made me weak.

Me: Mm. And... wet?

Kay: For the record? I've been wet most of the day.

Me: Then its my turn to want a taste.

Kay: Its yours. Come and get it. ;)

Me: Open your legs for me, baby. Lean back. Relax. :) (tease)

Kay: You have NO idea. I very much believe in teasing as part of foreplay. And sir, let me say it now and I'll say it out loud to you: Show me. Please let me see your cock. If you want to show me, that is...

Me: [I send a picture of my cock, hard and erect, that I happen to have saved on my phone. Only Shayne has seen this image before.] That's good, Kay. Because I want you to suck it.

Kay: [There's a long pause before she responds.] Holy fucking shit. I'm wet. Dude, that looks awfully edible. Your wish is my command, one of these days. And I want to do more than just suck it.

Me: You have me hard and stroking. [And she does.]

Kay: Do I? Now I am wanting you to hear YOU cum. Mmmm, how hot that would be.

Me: I might later. ;)

Kay: Maybe we could do it together. If you'd like.

Me: If?

Kay: I'm assuming then that the desire to hear one another cum is entirely mutual. But, will you still respect me in the morning? ;)

Me: Hm. Ask me after I fill your mouth with my essence. ;)

Kay: Do you think I swallow, sir? Well, actually? I do. What do you think I meant when I said that I wanted to taste you?

Me: [I reply by taking and sending another picture, this one of my hard cock being held at its base by my fist.] Swallow me. Milk me.

Kay: Good lord! Dude, are you trying to give me a heart attack? :)

Me: (laughs) You like?

Kay: You know, when you called me, I actually had to take a breath and calm myself before I answered. Otherwise, you would have heard my voice trembling.

Me: ;)

Kay: I like you. Quite a bit. I fear the day we may meet in person. The words 'spontaneous combustion' come to mind. I'm out from work in five minutes.

Me: Yum. So text me later then? I have some thick, silky cock for you to suck, Kay.

Kay: Absolutely. Damn, your voice is seductive. I'll let you do anything you want.

Me: Dangle rubber chickens from your earlobes as I baste you in marinara sauce? But I get to wear the sombrero.

Kay: Lol!



images Comixxx Archive, MySpace

Photo Essay: Olympic gold.

images SI, China Daily, Wikipedia

The dangerous and the demure.

One encounters the most intriguing people on the intarnets, no? Especially those who become fans of Urban Roguery.

Take Lilly. (Yes, please, take her. She won't complain. Honest.) Lilly is a vivacious, voluptuous vixen who enjoys her toys... especially a nice, quiet game of Scrabble. But be careful: Lilly could be dangerous... she likes to remind us that it's not truly exhibitionism is no one is watching, so give a grrl a break and help her out, willya?

And then there's delilah. Sweet, innocent college girl on Facebook and playing World of Warcraft. When she's not attending Sociology 201 in her pyjamas, she's probably wearing her collar and receiving a sound spanking from her Sir. I don't want to think about what happens if she flunks an exam. (Ok, that's a lie... I do.)

In fact, delilah's young, tender ass is still available for spankings by you when you support fellow blogger Jefferson and donate to the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense And Education Fund! At a mere twenty tax-deductable dollars, you too can spank this li'l, pyjama'd coed and see the results on her site. Fellow sexbloggers who spread the word get extra spanks too, so make every hit on her high-and-tight heinie count.

Hrm. Women offering their asses to be spanked for money. Sounds familiar.



image Karup's Hometown Amateurs, Girls Boarding School

Tying up loose ends.

Some loose ends from throughout the past week:

o I've been getting to "meet" more of you whom are regular readers here lately, and I'm enjoying it a lot. You know who you are.

o For the past four years, there's been an inscription in the concrete pavement in front of my home that bears my and The Grrl's names, which I scratched in the moist cement just before she moved in with me. After we broke up and she moved back to the States, it always warmed me to still see it there, and it gave me a moment to remember her.

There's been new contruction next door, and work crews tore up the pavement and replaced it with fresh concrete as the driveway there received stonework. The inscription is gone. That kind of sucks.

o Shayne and I continue to talk. It's surreal, it's difficult, but I'm staying focused on the positive. I love and miss her.

o I'm about to leave for a coffee date with Carly, and while I have no expectations, it feels good to at least be going out. It'll distract me from thinking about Shayne.

Tomorrow, however, should be fun. Returning to my area after a trip cross-country, Molly is back in town and expressed interest in getting together. It was my time with Molly that made its way into a post that, in turn, became my first 'honourable mention' on both Fleshbot and The Fellatrices. I'll be BBQing some burgers, cooling some sweet red wine, and perhaps enjoying an evening of fun and frolic. I need the fun. Molly is far from being Shayne, but she has her points.

HNT with nipple.

Simon says, "Gimme that ass."

Simon recently asked a question that often (ok, always) lurks in the minds of men.

"I would love to rim my girlfriend but she won't have any of it. A few times when I have gone down on her and played with her, I've put one finger in her ass. I made sure it was well lubed with her pussy juices, but I don't think she likes the idea. She enjoys her ass being tickled while I finger her and stimulate her clit, and that makes her cum loads, but if I just touch her ass alone she screams at me. She's just not keen on me touching her sexy sphincter. I want to eat her and fuck her in the ass eventually. I love exploring my girl. How do I get there? In all endeavours, I am her first sexual partner."

Great questions, and thank you for sharing them. I won't claim to be an expert on the calibre of Nina Hartley, Tristan Taormino, or Jack Morin, but I'm happy to respond from the tussled silk sheets of my own experience.

Not everything here will seem relevant for you personally, Simon, but I'm sure it may for somebody. Let's start with some pre-fuck basics, k?

(1) Beware of the Chinese fingertrap

Never try to "convince" a partner to do something she hasn't already expressed a desire to do. This should be a cardinal rule for any safe, sane, consensual adult who likes to fuck.

Aw, c'mon, baby, why dontcha wanna go to a swing club? Aw, c'mon, baby, why dontcha wanna have sex with the babysitter too? Aw, c'mon, baby, let me rest the beer can on your head just this once. Aw, c'mon, baby, aw, c'mon, baby, aw, c'mon, baby. Please. Show some dignity.

Even if she has been fantasizing about anal play (or bondage or spanking or whatever), the more she feels pressured, the less likely she'll want to explore. That is the Chinese fingertrap: the more you struggle, the more you don't get want you want. Ask and discuss, sure, but don't hound her. If things reach that point, you can either reconsider the relationship if it's that important to you, or you can shut up and watch YouPorn. Trust me on this: when you listen to her (and I mean genuinely, not as some dickhead manipulative strategem), when she feels that her needs and desires are being respected by you, her lover, she'll be far more willing to experiment with you. Why? Because she'll trust you, and in trusting you, experimentation will feel like the fun it should be and not the coercion it could turn into. And woe betide you if you fuck up that trust, especially if you're her first partner ever. Your dick is swinging over some fragile orchids, man.

(2) Put yourself in her place

Sex, and anal play especially, requires that trust. How much? Consider a Maxim magazine-style analogy: see her enjoy a pitcher or three of margaritas with the girls, and then give her the keys to your 2009 Murcielago. It's only a car, right?

Exactly. And it's only her ass.

While you're at it, ask yourself: how might you respond if she asked for a threesome... you, she, and your best friend or some dude she found on Craigslist or the tall, Italian concierge at the Hilton, and she wants to watch you guys go at it too. She wants you to get fucked in your ass while she's watching from the couch and jilling. Don't laugh: many women get off on gay porn, dude, and there's a reason.

Sure, you have needs and desires too. You want her ass, and that's cool. Sure, as your lover, she ideally would want to be GGG with them and help you out. But it's all in the attitude, intent, and delivery, especially when it comes to potential discomfort to her body (or her heart).

And if there's any lingering question, here's a lab-tested Rogue-approved method for comprehension: wearing some well lubricated latex gloves, explore yourself. Get an idea of what sensations you'll be escorting her through. When you feel ready, get yourself a modestly-sized dildo, buttplug or similar toy, some of your favourite non-sticky lubricant, close your bedroom door, and try it out. Trust me: you'll gain respect for your partner's backdoor right fucking quick. You might even discover your prostate (I haven't). You might even discover that you like it (I'm iffy). And, it's your body, so, no, it doesn't "make you gay."

(3) Do not regress to the third grade

This might be TMI for you, but it's important. "Bodies," Shayne often liked to remind me, "poop." Deal with it. Naturally, an intelligent person will comfortably prepare if she or he expects to engage in anal play (Diva discovered her appreciation for enemas this way, to my complete ignorance at the time), but sometimes the unexpected happens. Take this to heart: if you ever have any intention of seeing your partner feel comfortable enough to want to do this again, under no circumstances have a freak-out if you happen to acquire some body-matter on your cock. Most likely, you will know this is occuring before it becomes a problem. In my experience, it's very rare.

Pre-penetration probing helps: by the middle knuckle or so, you'll feel blockage if it's present, and then it would be time to wash hands and progress casually to other things. If something more significant occurs, don't lose your cool. Stop what you're doing, kiss her on the shoulder, and suggest you take a time-out for a sensual shower together. Maybe you kept a moist, warm towel near the bed just in case.

Relax about it. If you would expect her to wipe up your blood or puke after a car accident, she can damn well expect you to behave like a mature dude if you happen to encounter the tiniest hint of waste during a moment of passion. The last thing you want is to have your partner mortified by not only what might be happening, but by you regressing to age twelve. In my experience, this almost never happens to any great extent, but this is a moment that literally separates the men from the boys: don't fuck it up.

(4) "You never go ass to mouth, Randall!"

Remember that while porn may be sex, not all sex is porn. When I was in my early teens, I learned my first lessons about sex from three sources: porn, Cosmopolitan magazine, and Our Bodies, Ourselves. I'd still recommend the book to youth. The magazine? Probably not. And porn?

When I discovered porn, it still featured enough semblance of storyline and plot twist that perceptive kids like me actually learned something positive about sex from time to time. Most post-80s porn however, especially "gonzo" porn, is so bereft of sensuality that one would think that most women can take a ten-inch cock in the ass while also blowing two guys and feel as comfortable as if they were getting a pedicure.

Think about how many men (and women, probably) are growing up today with the unconscious expectation that this is typical, desirable, "normal."

Like you, I enjoy porn. But I also know that when I'm with a partner who is new at something, I remember that my every move is going to make a lasting impression. You'd be busting your partner's mental cherry as much as her vaginal or anal one, so you have a duty to make sure that her introduction to anal play is a positive experience that she'll want to repeat.

This means that you must be patient, nurturing, listen to her body language, be patient some more, and then be more patient. Know that not all women will respond the same way, and be prepared to adjust yourself to suit her responses. Have no expectations, especially about full penetration during the first few tries. Get used to the idea that she has to get used to the idea that her anus is being explored, espcially if she hasn't explored it herself during her own jilling sessions.

Always wash your hands before and after anal play (try gloves). Never insert a finger or a toy that's been in the ass into pussy. And, despite what you see in porn, never go ass-to-mouth.

That's a lot of basic ground to cover. Let's get to the crux of your question now, mm?

(5) How do I get there?

Simon, your partner might be 'screaming at you when you touch her (anus) alone' because you're not giving her the gradual build-up she needs, she's feeling pressured, she's self-conscious, she doesn't like it as much as you might think, or any of the above combined. If she is responding well to your touch when she's hot and randy, then it might just be a question of build-up and overeagerness, but only she can say. Have you asked her, and in a non-demanding way? Do you guys take sexual "time-outs" to talk, really talk, about what you're doing with each other? If you're her first partner, then she's probably in a world of overload as it is, so helping her process what she's discovering about herself, about you, about bodies, would probably do her (and you) a world of good.

But, that said, if she wants to explore anal territory, you owe it to her to go at her own pace. She already knows that you want it: give her time to find reason why she may (or may not) want it too.

If she doesn't like rimming, she doesn't like rimming. It's a freaky sensation for many people (personally, I love watching a partner go through the discovery when I'm doing it) because a part of the brain is shouting Hey! Wait! and another part is cooing WooOOoOo...

If and when she does though, explore her slowly. During the first time, simply caress and stroke the outside ring of her sphincter, teasing it, pressing gently on it and swirling your fingertip there without making any penetration at all. Do this while going down on her, massaging her, fucking her slow. If and when she wants more attention there, ask her to let you know, and be prepared to stop at a moment's notice.

Her pussy juices are not enough lubricant, and what might make its way there may likely get absorbed in skin after a while. The same with spit. Use lube, and lots of it. Then use some more. The sheets can get washed.

When the time comes for you to begin digital penetration, go slow and easy. Keep asking how she feels. Use your fingers to gently spread her anus very, very gradually. Use more lube. Don't poke: probe. Do a little more some other night, and so on. In time, you'll be able to ease two, maybe three fingers into her shallowly, and as you continue, as she gets used to the sensations, she may find herself enjoying more.

When it does come time for cock, remind her to relax and breathe deeply. Let this first night be one of extreme pampering for her: a hot bath, a massage, see that she cums at least once before you do anything. Give her awesome head. You want her as relaxed as possible, as accepting as possible. If she's new and you don't have the patience to do this, you're not worthy to be the man to slip cock into her ass. It's just that simple.

And when you do slip cock to her, remember that your head will the widest part of you. It's when the glans makes its way just past the sphincter, the "pop," when she'll have reached a peak of sensation. It's all about depth and girth from there, so take it easy. Use really shallow thrusts. Let her be the one to buck back toward you first. If all goes well, she'll reach a threshold where the sensations will change for her and it's choir practice from there.

What I'm suggesting is this: when it comes to anal, forget about your own cockpleasure for a while. Nurture her into discovering what pleases her there. In time, she'll reach a point where her receptive levels will be in sync enough with what your cock wants that you'll be fucking her just fine, and she'll be enjoying it. Unless she discovers that she doesn't... in which case, you accept it as a boundary, case closed for forseeable future.

(6) Informed lovers are hot lovers

Instead of watching hardcore video, try opening some wine and do some reading together, exploring Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure and Health or Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women. You might also enjoy Nina Hartley's Guide To Anal Sex on DVD. Or, if you're feeling particularly social, explore the net for sex-positive shops or events in your area where anal education workshops are possibly presented.



But, in the end (ha!), I'm still a guy sharing these thoughts and ideas. Some commentary from the women would definitely be in order. In an informal textmessaging survey today, I asked some of my hot and spicy friends about their experiences. The question was:

"What do you like, and dislike, the most about anal sex?"

Alix: I like it because I cum harder from that than anything else. Plus, I love being face-down, and I feel like I can give up a lot of control and just BE, just plain enjoy when a thick cock stretches me. I like the intensity of the feeling the best, the line of almost pain to pleasure. Great question.

Molly: I think what I like most is crossing that threshold from a bit painful to a whole new kind of pleasure and orgasm. What I dislike is probably when it's rushed and the ensuing injury causes discomfort for days.

Kay responded by email: Anal is still a relatively new experience for me. I've only had it twice, and only the first time was successful. The second time, I made him stop because he was hurting me. Not sure why, not enough lube, not enough warm-up with toys beforehand, something. But I know its never supposed to hurt, and it did, so I called a halt to the proceedings, much to my partner's dismay.

Still, I love the feeling of a cock sliding into my ass... that first pop as his head eases in. Him holding very still for a moment or two while I adjust. And then, him still not moving, but letting me move myself back, further onto his shaft, one teeny tiny bit at a time, till he's fully in me. That feeling, that incredible feeling, of fullness. Of a cock pressing into my gspot from an entirely different angle, stimulating it in a way that I have never, ever felt before. I also love playing with my clit while my ass is being fucked, and if the guy can reach around me enough to bury a few fingers in my pussy at the same time, all the better. I had an orgasm almost immediately that way the first time I got fucked in my ass.

But I don't like the fact that when having anal, at least for me, every time I have to start from scratch: fingers, then toy, then bigger toy, then cock. I'm tiny and require a lot of warm up, and anyone trying to just shove their cock in there without warming me up sufficiently first will be rebuffed. Immediately.

Which leads me to my next dislike, which isn't about anal sex, per se, but rather the pressure I have received throughout my entire life by men for me to let them fuck my ass. Why, why, why so obsessed? It became rather monotonous at around the age of twenty or so, and I wasn't ready (didn't think I'd ever be ready, to be honest) and eventually started tuning out whenever the subject was brought up. I did have someone try to 'slip it in' during regular sex one time when I was drunk, and I screamed so loud that I practically burst my own eardrum. Big, big mistake. I dumped the guy immediately. Asshole jerk.

Simon, I hope this helped. I also hope that you and the other readers here, especially the bevy of magnificent women who cum here, will continue to share thoughts and comments. Happy buggering!



images Amateur Blogs, Flickr, BiTrios, DiscreteSex, Abby Winters, I Want Latina, Worst Previews

She winks in my direction.

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